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6 Really Shitty Excuses to Give Your Professor Before Skipping Your Class

Has a professor ever told you that any excuse is a bad excuse? We took that phrase to heart and came up with a list of halfway believable reasons for missing class, perfect for any student looking to throw away tuition money by not showing up! 

6.) Your mom poked herself in the eye with a knitting needle…again:
A classic way to take advantage of your professor’s sympathy! Normal people will respect your privacy and won’t question you further, but if your’e specific enough with the details, there’s no way they won’t believe you. If your absence was one day, your mom should live in a nearby state, like Connecticut or Pennsylvania. For a weeklong absence, you had to fly all the way to California or Seattle! If you have to go international, you’ve got a problem.

5.) MTA delays:
You were doing research at the Metropolitan Museum (or some other place that makes you seem smarter than you are), but on your way to campus the MTA was delayed by thirty minutes! Nothing surprising there. You tried really hard to run seventy blocks, but honestly there was no way you could’ve made it. 

4.) You had fake training for your fake internship that you don’t have:
You just “got hired at your dream job”! No professor can deny you a great opportunity to join the workforce and slave away at the hands of capitalism. 

3.) You’re “sick”:
This is usually a weak excuse, but it can be believable depending on how far you’re willing to go. Forge a doctor’s note or pull a Gone Girl and beat yourself up a little bit. This black eye? You definitely didn’t hit yourself with a textbook. No, you fell down the stairs. Other solid excuses are food poisoning or saying you had to go to the emergency room for an allergic reaction.

2.) You got stuck in the elevator! Can you believe it?!:
A great excuse if you decide not to go to class five minutes before it starts. Send a quick email about those pesky dorm elevators. What’s your tuition even paying for anyways?

1.) Tell the truth:
Got wasted this Halloweekend and you’re too hungover to go to class? Woke up in a stranger’s apartment in Brooklyn? Pray you have an understanding professor and hope for the best. They’ll either think you’re funny or resent you for the rest of the semester.

We hope this list helps you successfully manipulate your professors. Now go get that undeserved A in participation!

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