Freshmen. Freshies. Frosh. Class of 2021. Aspiring Actors, Businesspeople, Psychologist, and the one who wants to do all three of those things in Gallatin, welcome. You’re finally here: NYU. The dream. You made it. And while everyone’s four years is unique, and special, and yadda yadda yadda, I have to say, although the arch may still be in WSP, and Bobst is still as depressing as ever, there are some things about NYU that you wee lads will just never know.
7.) The Bernie rally:
And a great man –arguably a god among men– packing an estimated 27,000 people into a New York City landmark to talk about love, acceptance, and forward progress…something that’s been uncommon these past couple of months. If you little legs had been born just one year sooner you would’ve been able to experience the love as well.
6.) IT WILL ALWAYS BE HAYDEN HALL:
No one cares that NYU decided to rename its most beautiful freshmen dorm on the west side of Washington Square Park after some mediocre lemon iced tea, or some equally as mediocre noodle soup. Lipton Hall will always be Hayden Hall. And Lipton cookies will always be Hayden cookies!
5.) Hayden cookies:
Just to piggyback off of that last one, with the name change came a different sort of cookie. You wouldn’t get it. They say they’re the same, but they aren’t the same. Are cookies even cookies if they’re not Hayden cookies? Yeah, like they’re still cookies, but they use to just be…better. *sigh*
The Mexican café most famous for it’s…uh…chips… Yeah, chips iff chips we’re illegal and didn’t give a shit about it. Shout-out to the little chips that got caught, you are a brave soul…hey, wait maybe one of you frosh did know about Dahila’s after all. R.I.P.
3.) The NYU Club Baseball Team:
Freshman, you will never be able to make the trek all the way up to Fordham University to watch your scrappy NYU Club Baseball Team lose 13-0 to a team of D1 cuts. You’ll never get to see this glorious team of 13 players and two coaches get into a coach bus big enough to fit 200 people right outside of Palladium on a Friday night. Now it’ll never happen because they terminated the team after it was decided that here can’t be both a club and varsity team of the same sport. None of you freshmen will ever know the trauma for shitty sports fans everywhere.
2.) A year without Tisch New Theatre:
NYU freshmen, thank God you will never have to go through the pain we all went through, not being able to see two professional, Broadway-style musicals this past year! No lights, no big orchestra? No huge theater that’s so big you can’t see anyone’s facial expressions onstage? How did we make it?! How did we make it?! Consider yourselves lucky.
1.) A John Sexton presidency:
Such a happy fellow. Reminiscent of Tim Allen in The Santa Clause. And you can bet your ass President Hamilton doesn’t give hugs like that. So firm, yet so soft. So tender, while simultaneously fierce. President Sexton, you are missed. President Hamilton, what do you like better: tea or Shakespeare?
Don’t worry freshmen, there are plenty of NYU things that we’ll all get to treasure together. Tisch students will always be that way, and Bobst will always have to many floors for anyone to care. Sorry you’ll never get to experience Dahlia’s though.
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