Connect with us
Connect with us


Albert to be Redesigned After Freshman Punches Bobst Computer During Registration

NYU’s online student-information-system, Albert, is reportedly going to receive a facelift in time for the Fall 2017 semester. This news comes after a freshman punched a Bobst computer while registering for classes. At approximately 12:10 p.m., the freshman’s registration time, the student full-fist punched an LL2 desktop computer he was working at.

“Looking Back on Growing Up filled up, and I’m number twenty-three on the waitlist! So now I have to take Human Variation, and my entire schedule is fucked up,” said the wailing freshman. “I honestly don’t know what to do. Do I take a great class with a highly rated professor on Rate My Professor at 8 a.m.? Or a bad class with an awful professor at 2 p.m.? I’ve never been more conflicted,” they continued. “Also, why is there no back button on basically any Albert page?”

This major first world problem was handled with grace, as the freshman sucker-punched the iMac stationed on the LL2 level of Bobst. The student evacuated the scene and is still in hiding from NYU Public Safety.

Aside from the school’s disciplinary actions towards the wanted student, NYU has also used this incident as a catalyst for a major overhaul of the frequently complained about website. “Albert has served the NYU community for many years now, but we realize that it is a time for change.” A statement released by NYU explained, “You will no longer have to wait for the page to refresh after every class-filter is checked off, and you will no longer have to click the term you want to enroll in EVERY TIME you need to look for classes. Obviously you don’t want to enroll in a class for the Spring 2017 semester in April…”

The new Albert online student-information-system is said to be installed in time for the Fall 2017 semester. Rising sophomores, juniors, and seniors are all ecstatic about the news, while current graduating seniors feel like they’ve just been on a four hour bus ride with broken air conditioning that got fixed right as they got off the bus.

“This is bullshit. I should have punched a computer years ago. And while they’re at it, NYUHome and the Housing Portal could also use some work. For such an incredible school, why does it take me twenty minutes just to find out who my shitty roommate is gonna be next year?”


Like booze before noon? So do these guys…


Continue Reading

More from NYU

To Top