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Classes Cancelled After NYC Swarmed By 12-18 Inches Of ‘Liberal Snowflakes’

Local weathermen are referring to the storm today as “markedly different” from ones past. A heavy dose of ‘liberal snowflakes’ are rapidly accumulating in NYC, causing major disruptions to roadways and businesses.

Though, NYU students have been elated at the news. Emily Trudeau, a sophomore nursing major, said, “It’s so refreshing to see this—all those beautiful snowflakes working together to give me a day off.”

Somehow still Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, commented on the matter: “It’s a shame the NYU closed because of this stupid storm. A private school wouldn’t have caved in to the snowflakes’ demands so easily.”

Predications assume that the final total of this swarm will be around 12-18 inches. Some students in the Lipton and Gramercy Residential Halls are taking the opportunity to sled and ski. “The conditions are great,” said Ted Kolchuck of Lipton. “Very thankful for this storm. It came at a much needed time for me.”

President Andy Hamilton added, “This storm has some power. We were not going to risk facing such a momentous force head on.”

The downside of this thick blanket of ‘liberal snowflakes’ is that it will be hard to trek to the bars. So in the meantime, when looking for a good time, students are advised to contact their local marijuana dealer, requesting them to gift some bud. 

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