What do Stern, Tisch, Gallatin, and Steinhardt all have in common? They were all funded by old men who donated money to NYU! Now you can learn all about the names you encounter every day, with the Black Sheep’s guide to the original bougie bitches of New York City.
Stern School of Business
The Stern legacy begins with Max Stern, who emigrated from Germany in the 1920’s after a failed textile business. Like the many failed businessmen of today, Max came up with another ridiculous sounding idea: he brought thousands of canaries with him to sell in the United States. Yes, we said thousands. Beginning by selling birds and bird cages, Max started a corporation that eventually grew to control the majority of the U.S.’s pet supplies market.
In 1938, our very own Leonard N. Stern was born, growing up to inherit his father’s fortune just like the classic rich kids of NYU. Stern has been married twice and anonymous sources say he has a penchant for curves, much like the business school professors of today. He graduated from NYU in 1957, and is still alive at the ripe old age of 78. He has a net worth of more than a billion dollars, built off the backs of humble birds. Moral of the story: attend Stern School of Business and your company will also become a meme in 100 years.
Tisch School of the Arts
Laurence A. and Preston Robert Tisch were a brother partnership turned successful businessmen, with Laurence graduating from NYU at just 18 years old. They were known for always wearing suits, unlike current Tisch students, who think leggings are formal wear.
In a recurring NYU trend, the brothers began their empire by borrowing seed money from their parents. What would we do without parental units? In 1969, their corporation bought Loewes Theaters, one of the largest movie theater companies at the time. They also acquired one of the largest tobacco companies, which produced cigarette brands such as Kent, Newport, and True. Now we’re sounding more like the current Tischie!
Gallatin School of Individualized Study
Albert Gallatin (1761-1849) was an original NYU founder and an active politician, known for making things up. He served in Congress, as a United States Secretary of the Treasury to Thomas Jefferson, and was a member of the Democratic-Republican Party. So interdisciplinary! He strongly opposed Alexander Hamilton’s policy proposals and would most likely be appalled at the current state of Broadway. You won’t find him entering lotteries or waiting in the stand-by line.
Steinhardt School of Culture, Education, and Human Development
Michael Steinhardt was born in 1940 to Sol Frank Steinhardt, a gambler involved in New York’s underground crime circle. Michael’s business endeavors in the stock market were again funded by seed money from his father, this time in cash-filled envelopes. So technically, your applied psychology labs were made possible by New York mobsters of long ago.
Fun fact: Michael met his wife through a carpool, so don’t lose faith in humanity next time someone hits on you in transit.
College of Arts and Sciences
CAS is the oldest school at NYU, established in 1832 by Albert Gallatin and the original school founders. Its intent was to create a “practical education,” but today practical pretty much just means “basic.”
Who knows who made up this program, but does anyone really know anything about Liberal Studies? Even its resident students seem confused.
Like booze before noon? So do these guys: