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NYU Social Media Running Out of Things To Brag About

With Tandon students creating new inventions at a decreased rate and CAS students never making the news, NYU’s social media team has been running out of humble brags to tweet about.

The team has already tried “NYU ranked as Number One Dream School” four times, and “Best School In The Best City” just isn’t getting the reception it used to. Their only hope is to wait for a mediocre Tisch alumni to do something noteworthy that’s not changing their hair color…again.

During awards season, the social media chairs start planning their posts a month in advance. Tonya Wong, an NYU alumnus, now sits in a cubicle all day looking through The Daily Mail and other millennial trash tabloids.

“I’m looking for rumors about who’s up for Oscar nominations, and then crosschecking everyone to see if they went to NYU. It’s almost always Tischies, but occasionally we get a random Tandon kid who was forced into computer science by his parents, but deep down was always an actor.”

Wong and co-social spinner, Eric Baker, have been brainstorming campaigns that they hope will dig up at least one or two golden nuggets they use for the coming semester.

Amongst the ideas were, “Ranked first in most purple on a college campus!”, “Campus with the most trash on the streets outside the dorm buildings!”, and “Student body most creative at finding places to do cocaine on campus.”

In a true showcase of NYU privilege, Baker assumed a New York Times article claiming Crayola’s color of the year is violet, was a mention about the NYU mascot and immediately shared the post.

“If a crayon company says it’s true, it’s true.”

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