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NYU Student Offended When Local Solicitor Doesn’t Ask Him For Money

It was an average day for freshman Andrew Tran, making his everyday commute from Union Square to his Stern Corporate Finance class. He wore the timeless combination of a tailored suit paired with a Herschel backpack and fraternity baseball cap. As he walked down University, he saw two solicitors facing each other in neon green shirts, armed with clipboards and fake-smiling at everyone that walked past.

“Hello, hi, would you like to single-handedly save the rainforests from the streets of New York? All we need is your credit card and social security number!” they called out.

As Andrew approached, he mistakenly made eye contact and prepared an excuse for not being able to save the trees. Today he would say he was in a rush and late to class, even though it didn’t start for another thirty minutes. The solicitors didn’t give him a chance to speak, however, giving him a quick once-over and averting their eyes, falling silent for possibly the first time during their shift.

Astonished by the slight rejection (the first of many that day), Andrew spent his entire lecture and the rest of the day contemplating the two-second encounter, overanalyzing what could have gone wrong.

“It must have been my resting bitch face. I’ve been practicing it because most people in Stern have one for emergencies, but maybe I’ve been getting too good at it,” he thought. “Or maybe I looked too bougie? Or too young to donate money?” He vowed to take a different route home to avoid another awkward encounter.

The Black Sheep correspondents tracked down the solicitors, who wouldn’t answer any questions until the writers pledged $5 to the cause. The two had no recollection of Andrew, but had an animosity towards anyone not wearing a tie-dye shirt, sporting a beard, or eating vegan snacks.

“We see a lot of people out here so we can’t remember everyone, but if he was wearing a suit, we probably ignored him because he must be part of some corporation. We really need to take those down. Do you want to help us? It only takes two minutes!”

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…


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