Early Sunday morning NYU officials announced plans to turn Bobst library into a night-club after Violet Ball’s success in turning students into raging alcoholics (not that they weren’t before…) and student Snapchats exclaiming how awesome it is to drink in the library without sneaking it in water bottles.
“With the success of Violet Ball, we just had to jump on this opportunity,” explained NYU’s Head of Student Affairs, Norma Wiggins, via phone interview. “Of course, students will still be able to study during the day, and in the lower levels at night. They’ll just need to bring some noise cancelling headphones and sheer willpower in concentration.”
When asked if the revenue produced by the new club, a.k.a Bobcat Lounge, will go towards financial aide, Wiggins had this to say:
“Oh….unfortunately, we still need the money for our insatiable urge to expand through all five boroughs of NYC, and to pay our top faculty to send their dogs to therapy. Honestly, we only wanted to create the club in order to be picked as one of the Top 10 Party Schools. It’s lit!!”
Some students are excited to party instead of study, and are eagerly awaiting the grand opening.
“FINALLY, a chance to change the way NYU is perceived,” FIJI brother, Ivan Worthington exclaimed passionately in a beer-induced wave of excitement. “We party hard, YOLO, Swag Money, deadass.”
Other students aren’t as excited for these plans. Protests have sprouted up outside Hamilton’s office already.
“It’s just straight garbage,” sophomore Ann Hill said while holding a huge sign with just the word “NO” written on it. “I don’t pay 70k a year to have my library turned into a grade D club. If they wanted to throw some of that revenue my way, then sure, go for it. But they aren’t, so this is bullshit.”
Bobcat Lounge will open it’s doors on Saturday, March 4th, and will have an all night happy hour special of $5 beers, wine, and cocktails, plus a chance to win financial aide prize of 50$ a year. How helpful.
WATCH: We made Malort cupcakes. They are bad.