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NYU Student Orders Seamless For Every Meal, Forgets How to be a Functioning Adult

It’s 10 p.m. on Sunday night and you haven’t eaten anything the whole day because you just woke up two hours ago. You could go to Palladium, but why walk 0.5 miles in the freezing cold, 60 degree weather when you can sit in the comfort of your room and get food delivered right to your door? Seamless is a lifesaver for hungover and lazy students, but some people, such as sophomore Chelsea Liang, take the delivery service too far.

Like many other sophomores, Liang didn’t sign up for a meal plan at the beginning of the semester, thinking she would finally learn how to cook and use the dorm kitchen she paid $15,000 for.    

“The first week of school I went to Trader Joe’s to do some grocery shopping, but the line was too long so I went home and ordered groceries online. Did you know you could do that?” she asked as she reorganized her drawer full of plastic delivery bags. “I bought a loaf of bread but didn’t eat it fast enough so it got moldy.”

Emily Nielson, Liang’s roommate, is a firsthand witness of the sophomore’s lack of common sense.

“One time Chelsea microwaved a metal fork while reheating her food and the smoke set off the fire alarm. Everyone had to evacuate the building and now the whole floor hates us,” Neilson sighed. “I thought everyone knew not to microwave metal, but I guess she hasn’t taken her physical science requirement yet.”

Liang may never learn to cook or have the patience to buy groceries, but at least her consumerism is funding jobs. Jimmy Nguyen, a veteran Seamless runner who has memorized the route from Liang’s dorm to Joe’s Pizza, was almost fired before Liang came around.

“There was an excess number of runners and Seamless was looking to cut people, but then Chelsea started ordering and now there’s so much demand that I can keep my job! I’ve become friends with all of the security guards since I’m basically at her dorm day and night, and I have her phone number on speed dial,” he said.

Jimmy can be found in the dorm lobby at least three times a day, but even that is still too far for Chelsea to walk.

“I’m trying to get him a guest pass so he can go through security and come straight to my room–putting on shoes and going down the elevator is a lot of work. Some people might think I’m being lazy, but I’m just being resourceful. Gotta take advantage of everything New York has to offer!”


Like booze before noon? So do these guys…


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