Tisch sophomore and fervent member of the College Republicans, Paul Bannon, reportedly applied to study abroad in Prague. He has since received an acceptance, but afterwards promptly rejected the offer, stating that going on this trip would be “unpatriotic”.
“Come on, now, you can’t really believe that I would ever go to a former Soviet stronghold,” said Bannon. Self-described as a true patriot, Bannon applied to Prague to “make a point about the power of communism and how it’s infiltrated our great capitalist system.”
The Office of Global Programs’ director, Susanne Iris, responded with indifference.
“What Bannon does is his own business; we can just give the opportunity to another student who actually wants to go. Like the rest of NYU’s administration, we truly do not care about Bannon or the rest of the student body.”
Bannon’s roommate, Gallatin sophomore Richie Jenkins said, “Well, this just makes me hate him more. I don’t even know this guy. I’m a member of the College Socialists, and I have to reckon with this shit now? Time for a bed-for-bed is all I am saying.”
Bannon said he will now produce a film about his experiences with this truly “dramatic ordeal.”
“I’m not edgy; I am making a point. Being white, male, and a Republican in college—especially at New York University—is an experience which is truly harrowing. I know oppression like no other, and my film will reflect this. Prague was just a jumping point. I will continue until the whole country knows about Lord Reagan and the MAGA mission.”
Bannon, along with other extreme College Republicans, plan to reapply next semester for NYU D.C., where they hope to lobby against the liberal elites on the Coasts.
Listen to our podcast!