It’s rush week! You’ve decided that the best way to enrich your college experience is to force friendship with a bunch of people you’ve never met, so we’ve decided to help you not just #pictureyourselfGreek, but #makeyourselfGreek. Here’s our list of eleven things you need to do to get a bid:
11.) Brunch bonds:
You better like brunch. Name drop every basic East Village restaurant and you’re sure to make a connection.
10.) Practice your manly embrace:
If you’re rushing a frat, master the bro hug. Grab a bro’s hand with your thumb facing up, instead of the traditional handshake where your thumb is pointing towards the other person. Lean in–but not with your face because, dude, no homo–and bump your opposing shoulders.
9.) Fashion over function:
Going for a business frat? It’s too late to beef up your resume, so just make sure your suit (or pantsuit) fits better than that one time you wore it to your childhood friend’s bar mitzvah.
8.) Taste the rainbow:
If you’re rushing a sorority, it’s best to have a white or black dress on deck. Or in some cases, blue, pink, green…might as well have a dress in every shade of the visible spectrum.
7.) Tapestries are key:
Get your tapestries ready. Put them near a window so you can get the perfect lighting for a post-bid day photo op, and make sure your roommates are home so you can force them to take fake candids of you. “Just take a burst! And NO FLASH, Sheryl!”
6.) Finger exercises:
Stretch out your fingers, because who knows what crazy hand signs you’ll be making. Link your thumb and index fingers while bending your pinkies and only one middle finger, but still keep your ring fingers straight. Does that look like a letter?
5.) Be charitable…or at least pretend you are:
It’s Philanthropy Day! You’ve never done a thing for the blind in your life, except uhhh… that one time you helped a guy with transitional glasses walk across the street! Just pretend like you care.
4.) Never too much enthusiasm!:
Practice cheering, fake laughing, hair flips, and over the shoulder turns. Recruitment videos don’t make themselves.
3.) Introduction productions:
Mentally prepare yourself to tell thirty different people your name, year, major, and why you decided to take this class. Did we say class? We meant frat. And you thought the first week of classes was bad.
2.) Beg for money:
Start being nice to your parents again, because who better to pay for your semesterly dues than Mom and Dad? Mention that it’s for future networking, and definitely NOT for decorations and snacks.
1.) Slow down:
Don’t literally rush. Take a second to smell the heavily perfumed air and enjoy being packed into a room with your fellow PNMs.
It’s only Tuesday, so you’ve still got some time to make up if you’re slacking already. It’s hard out on the streets of NYC, so good luck. We hope you get a bid.
Listen to our podcast!