NEW YORK, NY– NYU Public safety officers reported that at 11:53 p.m. Saturday night the two Safe Ride cars, each delivering drunk freshmen to their respective dorms, collided into each other at the corner of University Place and 10th Street while going a speedy ten miles-per-hour. NYU Public Safety put their detective hats on and determined irony to be at fault for the collision.
Students’ receptions to this life altering event were just as shocked as they were drunk.
“It was really scary,” said Gallatin freshman Becky Sue, proceeding to vomit on the top of a garbage can.
“I thought it was the end,” said Steinhardt junior Robbie Freshson.
The drivers, however, were more divided on the experience. “I thought it was fun,” exclaimed one of the NYU Safe Ride drivers. He continued, saying, “I got off work early, and it was ironic as hell. I’d just like to mention that I do standup and my bits are the best! Come and listen to me sometime.”
“I’m just glad I wasn’t assigned to one of those smart-car public safety cars. I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you right now. I’d look like an accordion in that little shit,” the other Safe Ride driver concluded.
Public Safety apologized to the affected students and their families for the scare, and hope you got a good chuckle out of the irony of the whole thing.
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