“I smell a rat,” a phrase commonly spoken by 1940’s New York gangsters as well as any resident of an NYU dorm. However, Weinstein Hall has recently decided to make use of its rodent problem.
The first-year dorm will now be including “mice everywhere, all the time, forever” among its list of amenities, which alreadys consists of three vending machines, regular broom closets with “Practice Room” signs scotch-taped to the door, and finally, three vending machines.
It’s well known that the NYU administration is always seeking ways to increase diversity among its community, however, this is the first opportunity for NYU to increase biodiversity.
Since the documentary Ratatouille recently revealed to NYU the inherent talent that rats possess for cooking and managing restaurants, the administration started requiring Weinstein dining staff to place rats inside their chef hats and encouraging them to “get fancy with the spices.” NYU also started requiring Weinstein dining staff to wear chef hats.
These new policies seem to have little effect on the quality of food, says Edd who has only been working in Downstein for one month after moving here from West Virginia.
“Until I started working here, I had never actually seen a rat. They’re horrifying to look at. Why are they so cute in movies?” he says. “Also, how could someone possibly think that Ratatoullie is a documentary? It’s animated.”
NYU Excutive Randy Bamilton laid out the plans for another upcoming service, stating that the rats would enter your room from the air conditioning units and eat all the food left on the floors, desks, and wherever else there might be snacks.
“I don’t see a difference between what the rats are doing now and like, janitors? Is there even a difference? Don’t they do that already?” said first-year Weinstein resident, Al Kohall.
While the new amenity has been met with lukewarm response, the added diversity to Weinstein Hall staff is a welcome change for some students.
Sophomore Ben Hannah claims that ever since the new NYU policy was implemented, the aura of Weinstein as a whole has a certain “je ne sais quoi. I don’t actually know what that means but it just felt right. Ya know?”
No Ben. No one knows.
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