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5 Gifts That’d Make This Christmas the Best Christmas at Ohio State

The holiday season is finally here, despite 60 degree and sunny weather with no hope of snow, and students are (sorta) excited, with the exception of impending finals. As Ohio State students, there’s not much more we need for Christmas; we already go to the best damn school in the land. Regardless, we wrote Santa a list of demands for this year anyway.

5.) Finish the ugly Mirror Lake construction:
It feels like it’s been eons since they started the Mirror Lake construction, and yet it still looks like a landfill got dumped right where the lake previously was. Yeah, Ohio State has construction on every inch of its campus already, but it seems like the Mirror Lake construction is even uglier than the rest of it. For the love of God, just give us this new Mirror Lake you won’t shut up about so we can have another spot to take basic-ass Instagram photos at. Damn.

4.) An OSU Crush Tweet:
Lately the OSU Crush tweets have been pretty heinous. People are crushing on other people who are willing to drop bricks on their feet and yet half of us have never been shouted out. Santa baby, hurry down to campus and give all of us our couple seconds of fame on OSU Crush so we have something to milk our egos with to close out the year on a high note. We’ll see if Matt Langsenkamp can reply to 60,000 crush tweets on Christmas.

3.) A Date With J.T.:
It’s cuffing season and who better than to cuff during this time of year than senior quarterback J.T. Barrett. After this year, he’ll be leaving us for bigger and better things, so it’s time to shoot our shot with #16, because it’s now or never. Everybody, even our football players, need somebody to love during the holiday season. Yeah, maybe you want them more than they want you, but it’s worth a shot if you’re able to track them down in the bars on campus.

2.) Demolition of the Tom W. Davis Clock Tower:
Tom, we’re (not so) sorry to say that we never wanted you in the first place. For the first half of the semester, you were the root of loud noises early in the morning, an obstruction to all of us walking students and a huge eye sore. Now that you’re complete, you can’t even tell the right time. You light up North Campus like Times Square at night to the point where we need to wear sunglasses. Honestly, you kinda suck and we would all be happy to see you go this Christmas.

1.) A National Championship:
Picture this: It’s January 13, 2015 well after 1 a.m. Ohio State students everywhere are the happiest they’ve ever been. Drinking themselves into oblivion, singing Carmen Ohio continuously, and setting couches on fire whilst getting maced. Life is good. It’s a joyous night because Ohio State defeated Oregon to win an undisputed National Championship….. Santa, if nothing else, please give us the National Championship we’ve been working towards for the past three years.

Christmas is right around the corner and so are the College Football Playoffs. The only thing that makes us happier than the thought of almost an entire month with no school is a National Championship title (and no North Campus clock tower).

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