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7 Ways Ohio State Students Can Get Kicked Out of Midway

Most bars on campus at Ohio State will kick you out for using a fake ID, throwing up in the corner, or starting fights with other customers. Midway is a whole different experience. If you’re drunk and an asshole, it isn’t easy to get kicked out. If you’re a halfway-normal person, though, beware, and here are some of the ways you can get kicked out of Midway. 

7.) Clean the bathrooms:
It’s common sense to have low standards when standing in line for the bathroom at Midway. There’s never any toilet paper, the toilet is always clogged and the sink is usually full of some type of unknown bodily fluid. Even attempting to spray some Febreze, restock the toilet paper, or plunge the toilet could get you thrown out of Midway. After all, they have a reputation to uphold. 

6.) Use the trash cans:
It’s nearly impossible to trek through Midway without slipping on the melted ice and vodka cran that’s all over the floor, and even outside, you have to be weary of broken glass everywhere. Try using a trashcan to dispose of your alcoholic beverage and you can expect to be standing at the end of the ridiculous line outside of Midway within minutes. Don’t act respectable if you want to stay.

5.) Repair the walls:
Have you ever noticed the charm that the walls of Midway hold as they’re literally falling apart? Some lucky college kids have been known to tuck away a piece of plaster in their pockets so that they can always carry a piece of Midway with them, even after they graduate. If you even think of trying to glue the pieces back on to make Midway look halfway decent, think again unless you want to be tackled by five wannabe frat boys bouncers.

4.) Wear something warm:
Columbus is starting to cool off at night, which means girls are showing more and more skin as they head to Midway. We know it’s freezing, but trying to get into the bar in anything other than that skimpy romper hanging in your closet isn’t going to happen. Sneak in a jacket and say goodbye to those elevated surfaces that you love so much.

3.) Be a male:
Sorry guys, but it’s been rumored that you’ve been denied using your REAL ID’s in order to keep a good 100:1 girl-to-guy ratio inside the bar. Maybe you could throw on a wig and a skirt, but you probably won’t be taking any girls home looking like that. Maybe try Bullwinkle’s instead.

2.) Act sober:
Super drunk and Midway are like two peas in a pod. You can’t have one without the other (more like they won’t tolerate one without the other). Being sober in Midway is almost like being sober in Bullwinkle’s—it may even be worse. You’re not drunk enough to enjoy Midway unless you’re willing to go home with a three.

1.) Have your dignity:
Like we said earlier, Midway is not for decent human beings. You have to be rude, disrespectful and plastered. Any evidence to suggest you might have an ounce of self-respect could get you thrown out of Midway in a heartbeat. If you want to fit in just, throw all of your trash on the ground, pickpocket people for fun, throw up in the bathroom, and pass out on the dance floor.

Honestly, rather than tolerating a joint like Midway, they should have just saved Too’s instead. There the music was decent, the beer was cheap, and you could get in wearing your pajamas with a bookbag on your back. 

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