Date party SZN is here and once it begins, it never really stops. It’s likely on a Friday night to see a half-naked man accompanied by his half-naked date on either the top of Big Bar or roaming High Street looking for the trashiest bar to inhabit. If you get asked to a dreaded date party and feel bad rejecting the poor guy, here’s how to survive a date party you’re just hoping to get kicked out of.
4.) Be strategic with your outfit:
It’s freezing, and The Black Sheep has your best interest in mind, so when you’re picking out your outfit think “warmth.” Maxi-long-sleeve-turtleneck-sweater-dress warmth. The only amount of skin Chad Brody should see is what’s on your face (which has no makeup on it, obviously). Heels are mini torture chambers for your feet so avoid those and grab your off-brand Uggs or Crocs to top off your look for the night.
3.) Pregame the pregame:
Before your date even shows up, finish off that bottle of wine (and then maybe that bottle of vodka) for good measure. Get your girlfriends in on it and turn it into a party so that when Chad Brody arrives to pick you up, you’re already falling over drunk. If you can’t walk, there’s no way you’re getting to date party unless he carries you. And the only thing that frat boys lift are their Four Lokos on Saturday mornings.
2.) Always keep your cup filled:
If you didn’t drink enough before, this is your chance. You should never have an empty cup and the end goal is vomit. We’re not talking classy, sneak into the bathroom, flush the toilet, spray Febreze type of vomit either. Throw up right on your date and his frat brother standing next to himm and then burst into tears. Causing a scene is the best way to get out of things you don’t want to do.
1.) Get with his big:
Frat boys like to treat their dates as property. (What’s new?) Walk away from him, but make sure he can see you on the dance floor dancing with his big. Get risqué and give him your best Jersey Turnpike before sauntering to your date’s little and planting your tongue right down his throat. Chad Brody’s ego is sure to take a hit before he kicks you out of the party.
All of these things are likely to make you look like a drunken hoe, and your reputation with Kappa Alpha Beta Tau Epsilon might be ruined, but that only ensures that you won’t be asked to another date party in the near future. It’ll all be worth it when you’re lying in bed with a package of Oreos watching Stranger Things 2 for the fourth time.
Listen to our podcast!