You make every other social media aesthetically pleasing, so why not your Venmo? Don’t be a basic bitch and tell everyone what you’re actually paying people for. Jazz it up with some Venmo emojis to leave people guessing on what kind of purchases you’re making in and around Ohio State:
You’re probably gonna use this emoji when you decide it’s a good idea to close down Bullwinkle’s, but then drink yourself silly on the dance floor, leaving your poor, intoxicated friend to get you back to your dorm safely. You’ll wake up the next day, snuggled up in your bunk bed, not knowing of the horrors you caused your friends. You saw your ex at Bull’s, causing you to literally cry in da club, almost get into a fight with a construction cone, and throw up just outside your RA’s room. If it weren’t for the judgement of your mom’s friend, your ass would probably be dead right now (hence the tombstone). So use that birthday money, and tell your friend thank you with a small tombstone Venmo payment. It’s the least you can do.
5.) Magic wand:
If you see the magic wand while you’re Venmo stalking your ex, you know someone got lucky. No, they didn’t get laid—they got swiped into Scott Traditions by a gullible underclassman. While the underclassmen might take Scott for granted, a starving, broke upperclassman sees Scott Traditions as a magical wonderland full of unlimited General Tso’s chicken and macaroni and cheese. You don’t know how the hell the meal plan works anymore, but it’s probably comparable to Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory or black magic.
If you don’t have any cash, but still want to smoke some weed with that creepy kid on your floor, Venmo is the best way to pay them back. Even though you’re only gonna take two hits off their joint, they’re insisting you still pay for the miniscule amount you smoked. Of course, you can’t just write “weed” in Venmo. You’re probably going to prison if you do! Instead, use any form of leaf emoji. Don’t worry, no one knows what it is.
Your drunk ass did it again. After a long night at Midway, you begged your friends to brave the line at Cane’s for some dank chicken fingers and soggy fries. However, when you so conveniently “lost” your wallet at the bars, you had them buy your usual Box Combo for you. Now your friend wants that $6.98 back and you don’t have the cash. Hide your greasy shame by subtly Venmo-ing a chicken, or other form of bird.
2.) Beer cup:
Odds are, you’ll probably see a lot of these emojis around the beginning of each school year. Freshmen have to pay for their fake IDs somewhere! Paying for cash is just so inconvenient, so now freshies commit misdemeanors via Venmo! However, since they’re #New2OSU, they haven’t quite mastered the art of subtleness yet, hence the alcohol related emoji, when they’re clearly not 21. It’s alright though, they’ll learn.
1.) Hippie van:
If you’ve shacked up with a mid-tier frat star, woke up and realized you couldn’t make the walk from 15th in your sheer bodysuit, then the hippie van emoji is for you! In order to not get hypothermia (runny noses are so not cute) make Chad call you an Uber in order to get back to Park-Stradley (chivalry isn’t dead, ladies!). Pay him back (since you’re a strong independent woman) and disguise your “walk of shame” by using this emoji.
Those are just the basics of the Venmo emoji language. There are hundreds of emojis, thus hundreds of possibilities for you to disguise your boring life, just make sure you actually have the money to pay for all these activities.
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