Ohio State has a lot of pride, and is totally not obnoxious about it, but we do like to yell “O-H” at strangers, expecting them to reply. This means if you’re in a hotel hot tub and a 65-year-old man hops on in wearing an Ohio State hat, you are not only welcome, but encouraged to yell “O-H” at him. But, contrary to common belief, there are a couple of inappropriate times to yell “O-H” that will definitely get people looking your way (in a bad way).
5.) When a kid asks you where their parents are:
Kids who get lost in grocery stores are dumbasses because they don’t know how the fuck “cereal” is spelled and where to find it. A kid asking you for directions to their parents (because somehow a college student would know who their parent is and where they are) is still not an excuse to yell “O-H” at them. Starting them young is a good thing, but it’s also not your job.
4.) A wedding you weren’t invited to:
If you weren’t invited to the wedding (and even if you were), yelling “O-H”while someone is saying their vows is probably not the best time to do that. They’re having their moment and one already drunk dumbass is bound to yell “I-O” at you, ruining the wedding video and causing a never-ending vendetta against you held by the bride. Do you really want the groom to have an angry wife while they try out the sex for the first time?
3.) Speaking of sex, during sex:
While you are inside of someone or they are inside of you, it’s not a great time to yell “O-H.” This also applies to oral sex for very, very obvious reasons. Sure, it may be the Ohio State equivalent to faking an orgasm, but it’s weird and uncomfortable nonetheless. As the old statistic goes, those who try to start the “O-H-I-O” chant in bed have a 98% higher chance of pregnancy.
2.) During a blood drive:
The Ohio State vs. Xichigan Blood Battle is great, but please refrain from throwing your arms up while they are injecting you to start the “O-H-I-O” chant across the room. It is truly not worth it and it only leads to bad things.
1.) At a funeral:
Do not yell “O-H” at someone else’s funeral. If you can’t figure out why you shouldn’t do this, then you’ve probably already tried this out.
All of these are not applicable when you are in Xichigan (except the funeral one (maybe)).
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