Has your throat been itching? Have you felt the inexplicable need to sleep through class? Do you sound like a schnauzer every time you try to breathe? Congratulations, you have this year’s South Campus Plague! (Hopefully.) True to its name, this disease wreaks havoc annually among unsuspecting OSU undergrads. This year’s victims have been particularly and articulately affected, leaving behind writings that tell of their final struggles. We at The Black Sheep have assembled these diary pages to paint a true picture of the horror of South Campus Plague.
Donnevan, 19, Res on 10th:
It came all at once and there was no time to stop it. On Tuesday I worked late at The Union, so I didn’t wonder why I was tired on Wednesday, but then on Thursday it came for me. It started with a fever dream, so sweaty I woke up shaking and realized my throat was sore. I thought “God, I must be yelling too loud at all those basketball games.” But then I remembered that no student, myself included, has ever actually gone to an OSU basketball game and I knew. I knew my day had come. Within hours I was a mouth-breather, and by the end of the day I was a sniffler. I am the lowest of the low.
Janet, 18, New Sorority Girl Who Loves Her Sisters:
2-6-16: OMG What a Terrible Weekend
God you’re not even going to believe what happened to me. I was out on Friday night having a totally great time with the girls from my pledge class. I had on that cute yellow tank (except without my black coat like last time) because I was at, like, another highlighter party. I have been to 5 highlighter parties this week, but I totally knew this one was going to be the best because I bought a new nail polish and I just knew all of my Sisters would complement it. Anyway I totally knew I was sick on Saturday night because I threw up in the bushes on 15th and there’s like no way I would’ve done that normally. Like no way. I mean, you’re a journal and you totally know I don’t do that. I just pee in fraternity showers when the toilets are full. Anyway, I had a sore throat and shit on Sunday so I clearly have the plague or whatever.
God help me,
Paul, 22, Graduating in Neuroscience:
My dearest mother,
I believe I’m going to die now. I cannot breathe, I cannot sleep, and I certainly cannot eat. My body is frail and it has betrayed me. I even threw up the other day, and I didn’t even know that was a symptom this year. But mother, I have not even conveyed to you the greatest horror of this disease. I had to miss chem lab, mom. Chem lab. Do you know what this is going to do to me? Do you understand what this means? I’ll never be a doctor now, Mom. Never. Even if the disease doesn’t kill me, I’ll never be able to cure myself because I’ll never get into med school. My life is o- *
*The rest of this entry was illegible due to persistent tear drips on the rest of the page*
The South Campus Plague comes in many forms, moving quietly and unsuspectingly through the night. Be vigilant, be aware, or it might come for you too.