After the Great Depression that was the last two frat-less months, some of the Ohio State frats are (almost) back, and just in time for rush szn. However, their return to campus is bittersweet, as OSUwill probably enforce new rules and restrictions they have to follow in order to be allowed on campus. Here are some of the new rules these fratty bois most likely will have to obey.
6.) No more than three guys named Chad:
Chads bring a bad name to fraternities and since the frats are already on thin ice, it would be best to limit the amount of trouble they can cause. So only three Chads per chapter will be allowed. Variations of Chad include, but are not limited to: Brad, Thad, and Chaz. The IFC is currently debating limiting other names such as Jake and Kyle, since they’re almost as douchey as Chad. Almost.
5.) Natty Light may only be served warm:
Most of the fraternities were already following this rule, however, it will now be heavily enforced. If Natty is served cold, you can look past its disgusting taste and quickly drink it. Drunk party patrons can get frats in a whole heap of trouble. But if Natty Light is served warm, as it tastes like actual piss, it will be harder to drink quickly, resulting in sober parties. Plus, now a pledge doesn’t have to go buy ice!
4.) The newest pledge class must have ugly rush shirts:
The only thing sorority girls want more than their MRS degree is a shack shirt from a top-tier frat. However, to avoid all the drama that comes with hooking up, the new pledge class shirt must be ugly and unflattering, so even the thirstiest srat star wouldn’t dare spend the night.
3.) During parties, the line for the bathroom must be at least nine people deep:
Fraternity bathrooms are already gross enough during parties. What would happen if people didn’t have to wait in line for an hour? Those bathrooms would be quarantined by the City of Columbus. In order to maintain a “clean” bathroom, all fraternities are now required to have a minimum nine-person line in order to use the bathroom. This way, the bathrooms stay just a little more hygienic than the city standards.
2.) Each member must own a basketball jersey or Hawaiian shirt so they can be identified in public:
Diversity is important within Greek life. However, you have to be able to identify a Greek god in a sea of regular ol’ normies when at the bars. This is where fraternity dress code comes into play. After lifting the ban, each fraternity brother is required to either wear an old basketball jersey or Hawaiian shirt out on High Street. No exceptions will be allowed, except for formals, date parties and Halloween. How else are you supposed to tell he’s in a frat?
1.) Only 30% of the frat can have a steady girlfriend:
Fraternities and sororities need each other to survive. Events like formals and date parties simply can’t happen if you don’t have both. After the ban, the fraternities at Ohio State are most likely looking to blow off some stress with a cool formal or hot date party. However, these events can’t happen if most of the frat already has an old ball and chain! To solve this problem, only 30% of the fraternity may have a steady girlfriend. This way, frat bros and srat gals can intermingle successfully. Besides, your old high school girlfriend was annoying anyway.
Nobody knows whether the frats will cause any more trouble down 15th Avenue, but hopefully with these new regulations they can stay on Ohio State’s good side. Too bad they couldn’t come back in time for block.
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