Well, it seems as if the Big 10 mascots department has done it again. Although the Buckeye is beloved by the faithful Ohio State students, you have to admit that it’s kind of a dumb mascot. However, the Purdue Boilermakers…? Brutus would never. This leads us to the question: Is a Boilermaker better than a poisonous nut?
Point: Okay, a buckeye nut totally looks appetizing. If you were walking around, and knew that a buckeye was actually edible, you would totally want to take a bite out of it. But then BAM! It poisons you, and you die. That’s pretty hardcore.
Counterpoint: A nut. No, that isn’t a sexual joke. A literal nut. That’s it. Brutus is sick and all, but what the hell.
Point: A boilermaker is basically just a train car. Train cars can crush you. A train car could totally crush a poisonous nut and make poisonous nut butter. Nut butter would probably be a more easily digestible form of consuming a buckeye nut, so the Boilermakers kind of have the upper hand here.
Counterpoint: Who the hell rides steam trains anymore? Is this 1804? We know you’re some sort of STEM school, Purdue, but not everyone geeks out over engines anymore. There are cars that drive themselves. Bring yourselves into the 21st century, Boilermakers.
Point: Brutus is…kinda hot. THERE! It has been said. You were all thinking it, admit it. The way he does those pushups in the end zone? Phew *fans self*
Counterpoint: The buckeye leaf looks like a weed leaf. TBH, though, that’s pretty tight. Way to go whoever made the Buckeye OSU’s mascot. That was like, totally progressive and cool of you.
Point: There’s really no other points. Your mascot is a boiler, guys. Please do better.
Counterpoint: See above.
And there you have it. No matter how you spin it, a Boilermaker is a pretty dumb mascot. The poisonous nut school will always do it better.
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