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Sicilia’s Upsets PJ’s in OSU’s March Madness Drunk Food Bracket

While you cry over your sad, losing bracket this week and prepare yourself to be further disappointed again come Thursday, participate in a entirely different but also more important bracket: OSU’s March Madness Drunk Food Bracket. 

We start in the High Street region! 

No. 1 Cane’s vs. No. 8 Apollo’s:
A showdown between two classics! Will Apollo’s potato skins reign supreme? Or will Cane’s crinkle-cut fries show up the competition? What it’s going to come down to is sauce: the tzatziki that drowns your mystery meat gyro in creamy goodness, or the nectar of the gods that comes in tiny cups in every mystical Styrofoam box at Cane’s?

 In the end, corporate Cane’s defeated small-town hero Apollo’s in the war of chicken vs. gyros.

No. 3 Buckeye Donuts vs. No. 6 Blaze:
Of course Blaze got beat by Buckeye Donuts—their lineup can’t even compare.

 Although Blaze was brought to OSU by LeBron (respect to The King), the new kid on the block couldn’t compete. Build your own pizza is a great idea, ‘til you’re stuck in a line longer to get into Bull’s on a Saturday night at 2 a.m. Might as well walk the extra three blocks to grab yourself half a dozen donuts and a large cheese fry instead of waiting for a “gourmet” pizza. 

Next week, Cane’s will have to face off with Buckeye Donuts, an Ohio State staple for donuts and gyros (which doesn’t make sense, but why question greatness?). Will the classic Buckeye donut be able to beat out Cane’s sweet tea? Or will Buckeye Donuts get lost in the sauce?

On to the Frambes and 11th Avenue regions! 

No. 2 PJ’s vs. No. 7 Sicilia’s:
The Fat Bitch wasn’t bitchy enough to bitch slap Sicilia’s for a place in the Final Four.

Apparently, college students now prefer subpar pizza over heart disease in the form of mozzarella sticks AND chicken tenders on a sandwich. Michelle Obama really scared the hell out of us in the fight to end childhood obesity!

No. 4 Adriatico’s vs. No. 5 Catfish Biff’s:

Down goes a giant with the defeat of Catfish Biff’s. Adriatico’s gigantic pieces of pepperoni must’ve swayed the vote in their favor. The Biff’s unbeatable price and by-the-slice option should be a drunk friend’s dream, but Adriatico’s thicc crust must do wonders at soaking up all the cherry bombs in one’s stomach.

Next week, Adriatico’s will have to throw down with Sicilia’s. Winning this round not only puts the winner in the final showdown, but it will effectively decide which pizza on campus is the best drizerria (drunk pizzeria). What it’s going to come down to is pizza slices: do people prefer square cut pizza, or triangular? Does that even matter? Probably not, but who can really tell!

 Make sure to cast your votes to decide who will reign supreme in OSU’s Drunchies Off! 



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