It’s the most wonderful time here at Ohio State: group project presentation time AKA the one time a year when professors realize they don’t want to grade 150 papers for one class, so they pair you up for a presentation with seven other schmucks to do the project together as a group. Or a Google Doc. Or, if you’re at Fisher, you make a GroupMe and add other groups to it just to be safe.
Either way, you will inevitably end up doing all of the work for this because you are either A) a control freak or B) an English major and this class is actually your priority. Here are some ways to subtly hint at your professor that you did all of the work.
6.) Don’t just put your name first on the slideshow (hide your name throughout it):
The best way to show that you did all the work is to insert your name everywhere in the slideshow. Be sure to do this in very small font and strange places, like on top of graphs and photos so your partners don’t notice, but your professor will.
5.) Rent out Brutus to relay the message in a cool way:
Maybe have him do a dance with the dance team and then, at the end, spell out your name or hold up a sign stating that (insert your name here) did the entire presentation. It’s a cute, reputable source that we all know and love and will be a light-hearted performance to ease the awkwardness.
4.) Find a reputable source as witness, like President Drake or Urban:
The two big men of Ohio State will be sure to put in a good word for you if you ask. They are also extremely easy to get ahold of: just call their PR person and wait 10 months for a public release.
3.) Make a shirt with all the slides on it and wear it to the presentation:
Why weren’t your other group members wearing the slide shirt? Because they didn’t contribute to the slides or because they actually have shame. Go a step further and put “made by (insert your name)” on the back so people can draw their own conclusions: is the shirt made by you? Or is the presentation?
2.) Win the President’s Prize and ask to have it presented to you in class:
If you win the President’s Prize, chances are all eyes will be on you, which will be the perfect time to tell the world about the amazing job you did on the presentation all by yourself. Winning a prize that’s already been given out may be hard, but it’s worth it for that grade boost and name recognition that you say you don’t need but actually do.
1.) Make a separate slide for each contributor but when it gets to your name, have the song “All By Myself” playing in the background so the prof knows:
March to the tune of your own drum or Eric Carmen’s. People will think it’s school spirit because his last name is Carmen, but it’s actually malicious.
If all else fails, make your SEI non-anonymous and rant about how terrible your partners were to your professor whom you just gave a “poor” score on.
Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast with Twitter’s @Rad_Milk!