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University Officials Afraid Students Will Misunderstand “Blackout”

 

As Saturday’s game against Pennsylvania State University quickly approaches, university officials are afraid that advertising the game to the fans as a “Blackout” may not have been the best idea. These high ranking officials at first thought that students would all arrive to the game decked out in black clothing, black shoes, and eyeblack; however, students appear to be taking this a different way. As soon as The Black Sheep caught wind of this huge mistake in wording, our reporters put down the bottle and picked up the pen.

 

Last year, Pennsylvania State decided to have a “Whiteout” to try to intimidate our championship-caliber squad. This tactic ended up backfiring, however, because students mistakenly thought that they were supposed to bring actual whiteout to the game. Ginny Best, a sophomore at Pennsylvania State University, commented on last year’s misunderstanding, saying “I just went to the book store and spent $50 on a ton of whiteout. I just assumed we were gonna fuck up so much in the game that we needed to ‘whiteout’ our plethora of mistakes.” Even though Ohio State students have at least some brain cells and know to not do something that stupid, many of those brain cells may be lost with tomorrow’s looming disaster.

 

After venturing onto campus, The Black Sheep reporters spoke with many students about their plans for the game this Saturday. Seth Miller, a freshman with a fake ID, said “Yeah I’ll be drinking Natty in my dorm room with 6, maybe 7 guys from 11 a.m. until kickoff. This is one university rule I definitely won’t break!” 

 

On the other side of the spectrum, Alicia Black, a senior with no plan to graduate any time soon, said that she will be drinking mimosas through a coffee straw all day with her “frans.”When the interviewees were asked about how they interpreted the meaning of a “blackout” this weekend, they both figured this was a university-sanctioned weekend to get rip-roaringly drunk. “I don’t really understand why they’d want us to get super drunk before the game, but hey, I read the email subject line and went straight to the liquor store along with everyone else,” Alicia told us, going on to ponder if “this is something they’ll do for more home games if it goes well?” 

 

Having even more effect on the misunderstanding is this weekend being Ohio State’s first ever fall break. It is allowing students who stayed to get absolutely hammered Wednesday night, Thursday night, and tonight. After speaking with many students standing in line at Bullwinkle’s on Thursday night, it is concluded that the majority are just going straight up until the game, with no sign of stopping their alcohol binge anytime soon. “It’s like, what the university wants us to do right? I mean we all got the emails,” said one girl in line before taking a swig of Jameson from her fake cellphone flask. 

 

University officials released a statement earlier in the week clarifying what they meant by a “blackout,” saying “WEAR BLACK CLOTHES! We are in no way referring to your BAC when mentioning ‘blackout,’ but in fact referring to the attire associated with gameday.” Unfortunately for the school, the damage has already been done: tailgates have been planned, people have been invited and alcohol has been purchased. All that officials can do now is hope for the best.

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