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10 Ways to Get Your Crush to Love You More Than Rufus Ever Loved Us

With Valentine’s Day in the rearview mirror, you may be thinking of taking the next step with someone you hooked up with on Wednesday. We picked up these 10 tips while attempting to win the heart of our beloved Rufus and will hopefully help you show your crush just how you feel about them.

10.) Make eye contact: 
The first step to showing someone you’re interested is by making some good, old-fashioned eye contact. Try not to stare, as that could be considered creepy, as Rufus once told us while we were gazing into his angry yellow eyes.

9.) Find common interests:
If you have something in common, you’ll have another thing to talk about! Try to figure out if the two of you like to do any of the same things and go from there. For example, if you like sports and you’ve ever seen your crush riding a motorcycle through an inflatable tunnel shaped like their head while a football team runs behind them, you could ask if they watched the Super Bowl a few weeks ago.

8.) Bring up shared memories:
If the two of you have known each other for a while, odds are you have a few memories shared between you. Bringing up a funny or emotional experience is a great way to show someone you’ve been paying attention, just like our darling Rufus used to pay attention to us.

7.) Write them a note: 
Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to share your feelings, and what better way than with a nice card? Add a personal message about how much you appreciate their nice smile or their luxurious tan fur.

6.) Consider playing hard to get: 
You want your crush to know you’re available, but not too available. Our sweet little Rufus plays hard to get all the time recently, which makes us love him even more and has led us to perching in a tree and staring into his window at night. It works!

5.) Dress like them: 
Imitation is the highest form of flattery, so the guy, girl, or large feline being with a detachable head who you want to impress will be blown away when you show up wearing exactly the same thing as them.

4.) Try bribery:
If all else fails, everyone can be won over with something. Try telling them that if they date you for a sufficient amount of time, you’ll buy them something they like, such as food, clothes or catnip.

3.) Hold a member of their family for ransom:
If the love of your life still refuses to love you back–even though the two of you would clearly be perfect together–one thing you can do is find out which family member they are closest to, kidnap them, and leave a note made out of cut up magazine letters saying that they’ll get their beloved relative for the reasonable price of their eternal love. Nothing screams “romance” quite like a well-intentioned crime!

2.) Be yourself: 
If your crush still doesn’t like you for you, then they don’t deserve you anyway. You hear that, Rufus? YOU NEVER DESERVED US, ANYWAY. And we burned your favorite jersey, you stupid cat.

1.) I’m So Sorry, Rufus:
We didn’t mean it. Please take us back. You’re the only mascot for us. 

 

You see? We can all learn something from our great love story. Follow these steps and maybe you’ll win over your crush by next Valentine’s Day! 

Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame:

 

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