Ladies: Tinder is the perfect place to go if you’re seeking an extra shot of validation in your self-esteem espresso. However, it’s not long before you realize no amount of validation will ever be enough, and you’re stuck manically swiping left and right for hours, desperately trying to fill the hole your father left when he went to the store and never returned 13 years ago. If this is how you spend your free time, you will definitely notice a theme to OU’s Tinder selection of men: They all have some variation of the same bios. Here are the seven most common ones.
7.) Does this deer turn you on?:
You know, in the animal world, males often give presents to their prospective lady friends. For birds, these may include brightly-colored pebbles or even whole-ass houses. If you’re a human woman, though, be prepared for a Tinder boy to attempt to woo you with a delectable picture of a dead animal. How much sexier could a guy be? It just screams, “Hey, look at this beautiful creature I ruthlessly tore from its environment and slaughtered! Isn’t this romantic?” Seriously — nothing gets us girls hotter or wetter than dead animals.
6.) “If you won’t swipe right for me, swipe right for my dog”:
Yes, we get it. Everyone likes dogs. Unless, however, you match at least 75% of your pup’s cuteness, we’re still not swiping right. Chances are you don’t have the dog at school with you anyways, and luring us into a hookup with the false hope of meeting him someday is just downright cruel.
5.) We get it, you smoke pot:
Guarantee that the fact you smoke weed doesn’t even make the “Top 10 Most Interesting Things About You” list. If you have “4/20 friendly” or any variation of it in your bio, you probably look like you drink bong water and have a personality as small as your penis.
4.) “How can I put the least amount of effort into a bio and pull the maximum amount of girls?”:
Ah, the classic “I’m not creative so I’m just going to Google a Tinder bio to reel the ladies in.” If girls had a dollar for every profile we came across with the same fake reviews from the New York Times, your mom, and the Most Interesting Guy in the World, we’d be off of Tinder and likely living comfortably in a mansion somewhere.
3.) We don’t care about your decade-old Facebook interests:
No shit your interests are outdated. First of all, hardly anyone can even access those through Tinder, so you’re calling attention to something people don’t even notice. Second of all, it’s assumed you’re not still into “xD Rawr means I love you in Dinosaur”’s Facebook page. If you genuinely are, we have no words for you.
2.) We can’t get a word in, and we haven’t even met you yet
There’s a lot going on here, which is the problem. If you have something super witty to say that you HAVE to use up all your characters for, go for it, but if you use your bio space to list out every hope and dream you have, log off of Tinder and go be a novelist — it suits you.
1.) Hopefully more than 30 seconds…:
A personal favorite. This is guys’ not-so-subtle way of telling girls they’re only interested in hookups. Very suave, Brad, but you’re just one of many.
While Tinder may not be the place to go if you’re a girl seeking a serious commitment, you still deserve more options than these run-of-the-mill templates. If you want some more variety, maybe go to Crystal on a Friday night — there’s definitely some more interesting fellas in there.
Know anyone at one of these schools?
UNC-Wilmington –$100 BOUNTY
University of Arizona — $300 BOUNTY!
Texas A&M Corpus Christi — $100 bounty!
Auburn — $100 bounty!
Penn State — $100 bounty!
Indiana — $100 bounty!
SUNY Oswego — $100 bounty!
Refer a friend for a marketing job, get $$$$ if they’re hired!
DM our twitter and we’ll take it from there!