Athens has been considering legalizing concealed carry on campus, and it is absolutely necessary that they do so. As college students, we face constant dangers on campus that we need to be prepared for. From being in class, to walking the streets, to being absolutely plastered at the bars, students should have guns with them at all times. These are the eight obvious reasons Ohio University needs concealed carry.
7.) Rabid squirrels:
Walking to class could be extremely dangerous if you came across a rabid squirrel, or even worse: multiple rabid squirrels. At a university with this many squirrels, they’re bound to turn against us at some point. A peaceful romp through College Green could turn violent at any moment. College students need guns to protect themselves from such danger.
Athens is known as one of the most haunted towns in the world. Ghosts roam these streets willy-nilly, and students have had enough of being left feeling completely helpless. These ghosts are coming into our homes in the night completely unwelcomed. All students need to be carrying guns at all times!
5.) Grilled-cheese pushers:
Each weekend, fraternities, sororities, and other organizations set up tables to shamelessly sell grilled cheese to raise money for their “causes.” They are relentless, but would they be so aggressive if they had a pistol pointed at their face? Probably not!
4.) Gun holster sales:
For years, stores that sell gun holsters have failed miserably in Athens. They need something to hold! Once concealed carry is legal, gun holster sales will boom, Athens will have thousands of new jobs, and every student will have a fly new gun holster under their shirt.
College houses and restaurants are truly disgusting, and many of them are infested with roaches. If students aren’t carrying a weapon and willing to shoot a large cockroach at any time, how will we ever get rid of them?
2.) Other students with conceal carry:
Once concealed carry is legal, tons of students will have guns on them at all times. How dangerous! Next time Billy in psych gets a bad grade on an exam, things could get violent, fast. You need to be carrying in case someone else who is carrying decides to pull his gun. This is simple reasoning, folks. The whole campus could be a war zone!
1.) Rufus the Bobcat:
There’s something a little off about that mascot. If he snaps (like we all know he will), we all need to be armed. Rufus is going to kill us all and we must be prepared.
As you can see, having guns on campus will not only protect OU students, but will prove to be a service to the community as a whole. Call your representative today and demand that concealed carry be legalized at Ohio University.
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