Each semester, students are given countless stapled packets that they just have absolutely no idea what to do with. “What is this ‘syllabus’,” they cry, “ and what does it mean?” They spend hours panicking, wondering what to do with it, where to put it, and why their professors would waste so many trees. Students know they can’t throw them away, but they also know there’s no possible way they’re going to actually read them. Here, we’ve compiled eight crafty uses for your syllabi that will have students breathing sighs of relief when they finally find a place for them.
Finally get the sleep you deserve at night by making this sylla-mobile. Simply cut each page of your syllabus into teeny tiny beautiful butterflies and then use string or wire to hang them above your bed. The trade-off is you miss, like, four or five online quizzes, but you’ll finally get that full eight hours of rest looking up at your calming new mobile.
Simply fold all your pages into origami flowers, and put ’em all together into a sylla-bouquet. Spray them with perfume so they smell like real-life daisy. When your professor has a “syllabus quiz” and you have no idea what his absence policy is, simply present him with this paper bouquet and he’ll be so flattered that he’s bound to give you an A.
Just shred the shit out of all your syllabi and then before you go out the night before your 8 a.m. class, throw them in the air as a celebration of your freedom and rebellion. Dance wildly as the shreds of your responsibilities float around you. Bask in the glory of not giving any fucks.
WIPE YOUR ASS WITH YOUR DUE DATES. Now they’re doo-doo dates.
Adopt a puppy, name it Ollie. Line Ollie’s crate with your syllabi. Now when you ask your professor what day the homework is due, and he says “check your syllabus” you can say, “Sorry, sir, my puppy pissed on your syllabus.” When the homework actually is due you can say your dog ate it. He has to believe you because he already knows about Ollie and his shenanigans. Ollie!
Use your syllabi as coffee filters. The result will be extremely weak and slightly inky coffee, but good Lord, at least you didn’t have to read them! Coffee always tastes best when it doesn’t come with learning about the university’s cheating policy for the 200th time.
Roll your syllabi into cigarettes. Hand-rolled cigarettes are already hipster, but you’re going to take it to the next level. There’s nothing more hipster than not caring about your grades or your health or the way you smell. Light it up, pal.
Put them in a folder and forget about them until the very end of the semester when you’re trying to figure out what time your final exam is. You won’t be able to find them, but it won’t matter because they’re all online anyways!
Hey dummy, listen (AND SUBSCRIBE) to our podcast!