Locked in his bedroom lit only by the glow of his MacBook, woebegone internet personality Logan Paul anxiously googled “best careers with no degree” this past weekend after suffering widespread criticism about his recent YouTube video.
The Ohio University dropout and Vine-star-turned-YouTuber stared at his screen with bloodshot eyes as he scrolled through a series of outdated lists, trying in vain to picture himself as a boilermaker, a correctional officer, or a claims adjuster.
Paul reportedly clenched his duvet comforter tighter around his hunched and dejected shoulders as he clicked the back button to try another website’s list.
“I have more than enough experience in internet entertainment to make up for not having a college degree,” the miserable oaf reassured himself, gripping his iPhone with conviction. “I’m athletic, charismatic and now, well-traveled and cultured.”
With a new hope, the tone-deaf psuedo-celebrity returned to his search, typing in the search bar, “best careers for hot people with no degree.”
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