There is a rivalry so deep even the Bloods and the Crips shy away from it. This rivalry began in 1890 when two dominant universities rose up out of the ground and into a battle that would rage on for the rest of time. The University of Oklahoma was founded on December 19th, 1890. Once a group of intelligent people came together, they realized that they didn’t think this new university represented the great state of Oklahoma well… so they decided to make a better school 6 days later and call it Oklahoma State University. Ever since then there has been a power struggle to prove who is a better university. The Black Sheep has prepared a list to explain to our lovely audience, you, why Oklahoma State has come out on top after all of these years.
6.) We Have Bigger Decks:
Homecoming is a sacred tradition here in Oklahoma and the way our esteemed schools celebrate it is by making constructions known as “decks.” Yes, technically OU has “banners” and “floats” but we’re here to talk about how the pomping is done on these structures.
If you take a close look, these structures can accurately describe how the universities really are. Oklahoma’s looks like some vacuum monster swallowed up all the pomps it could then shat them out on a moving turd covered in glue, while ours is basically a futuristic wall that looks like Picasso himself painted it. If that doesn’t describe each university justly we don’t know what will.
5.) OU’s Mascot is a Cheater:
The year before the orange, titan university and its wimpy, crimson little brother were founded there was a huge land dispute in Oklahoma. Why anyone would fight over flat, dry, and dusty land is beyond us. This dispute was handled over a race to claim land; the individuals who went before the race started were called “Sooners”– AKA cheaters. These guys are definitely the ancestors of that one guy in your class that cheats during the whole test and gets a better grade than you when you studied your ass off– AKA assholes.
4.) Our Fans are Actually Alumni:
OU fans are the definition of what it means to be a bandwagon. Even the hill people at Walmart sport the crimson tees. 9 out of 10 fans did not graduate from, or even attend OU, for that matter. Perhaps the phenomena can be explained by simple color preference. Admittedly, OSU orange does clash pretty hard with outfits and is brighter than the got-damn sun. Nevertheless, Cowboys fans revel knowing the Sooners are stuck with diabetes-riddled gator-folk.
3.) Our Grammar is Better:
Are you f*****g kidding? Not only did someone have to make this knowing it would be going on live television, but somebody else said, “Yeah, looks good,” and approved it. Though we’re not mad it happened. The opposite, in fact; it proves OU’s incompetence. But really though, somebody definitely lost their job over this colossal brain shart.
2.) More National Titles:
Sooner fans are known for their capacity to be more obnoxious than thought possible by any human. Usually exhibited by shouting “BOOMER SOONER!” repeatedly, as the cognitively deficient are prone to do. But, the occasional die-hard tries talking enough shit to make his ass jealous by making the football team’s previous feats and records well known. Apparently these individuals never learned how to count because according to the rivals’ websites OU comes in at 25 national championship titles collectively, while OSU makes OU their bitch at 51.
1.) Our Quarterbacks:
Our final difference between the two schools is an obvious one: our quarterbacks. It’s easy to see which school is top dog when our quarterback looks like Taylor Lautner and Megan Fox’s kid and theirs looks like Ken Bone and the mascot from BMS’ kid. There could be an entire Reddit page just on the physical differences between these two, but our analysis is just fine for right now
Everyone in Oklahoma knows that these differences are both factual and accurate without any bias whatsoever, but here at The Black Sheep we wanted to explain these differences as in depth as possible so even someone who got their degree from OU could read it.
Are you in class right now? Don’t worry, you can still leave.
Posted by The Black Sheep on Monday, October 17, 2016