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6 Reasons You’re Thankful You Aren’t A Sooner

We have our own share of problems at OSU that we’ve all come to tolerate, and in some cases, actually grow fond of. From the orange water to the seemingly life-threatening dorm elevators, we really made off pretty well. Then there’s OU. We’re all thankful none of us go there. Here’s why.

 

6.) Gaylord Stadium:

All joking aside, we all know Gaylord is just the name of a fat cat alumnus with more money than he knows what to do with. But, being a student and having to announce every Saturday that you’re going to the Gaylord is less-than-optimal. Gaylord Stadium doesn’t sound like an arena for champions, but a playpen for pussy-cats.

 

5.) So Many Hipsters, Dude:

Take a walk around OU’s campus sometime or peruse Main Street’s many hipster locations and you’ll be disgusted with the amount of Birkenstocks floating around. If not, maybe you should consider transferring to be with your kind. Dreadlocks, thick-framed non-prescription glasses, and hemp bags saturate Norman. And quite frankly, it’s drowning in it.

 

4.) Traffic is Awful in Norman:

Any Texan knows how bad it is driving up I-35 and catching traffic heading back up to the Promised Land. It’s enough to drive Stephen f’ing Hawking madder than The Hatter. Now take all the I-35 traffic and bottleneck that shit. That’s basically the Norman road system in a nutshell.

 

3.) Archaic Dorms:

Kerr-Drummond seems like it may be a part of God’s blind spot, but compared to the dorms at OU they’re the equivalent of Trump Tower. The tile looks like pledges have been cleaning it the past 40 years so as you can imagine … they’re terrible. How do you feel about sharing a single bathroom with a roommate? Sike, you’re sharing that shit with the roommate’s friends and family too.

 

2.) Snobby Sororities:

It’s no question that sorority girls can put on airs of snobbiness wherever they go to school. Such is their nature. Sooner sorostitutes exceed any preconceived notions toward female Greeks, earning their reputation as the entitled, judgmental, Barbiebots they are. Unless you’re Greek, good luck having a conversation with one unless you’re talking about them, and only them… and maybe clothes.

 

1.) None of Their Fans are Alumni:

There are no surprises that OU sucks ass, but now we have the facts to back it. It’s a blessing to have ol’ Boone rather than Gaylord, and furthermore we should all be thankful to have babes a caliber above the competition. Rather lose a Cowboy than win a Sooner. Not that they’re doing much of that anyway.

Something so bad, 12 beers later, is so, so good.

 
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