We had our top-of-the-line analysts mull over the data for life at OSU and they’ve finally created accurate graphs to depict OSU and its many quirks. If you’re ever wondering if you’ve been a part of one of a statistic here in Stillwater, here is your chance to find out:
For some reason, Oklahoma State students have taken this affordable– or more realistically, dirt cheap– liqour under their wing. With a cornucopia of odd flavor choices such as “cucumber-lime” and “sugar cookie,” accompanied by rougly 1,500 calories in a bottle, Burnett’s is certainly an abundant, quirk of Stillwater. The other 2% is white girls drinking Pucker because “they’re on a diet” or guys drinking Skyy because they think they’re better than everyone else at the party.
Aspen is a popular study spot in Stilly. It’s a place for hipsters to go and talk about how mainstream Starbucks is while they’re in the epitome of a mainstream, OSU-inhabited coffee shop.
As an outsider, it’s a little pitiful to watch a 2-second Nerf shootout then watch a 10-minute game of “pick up the bullets.” OU is pretty bad, but living in Norman might be a step better than walking to class and seeing camouflaged students hide in bushes waiting for their next… whatever it is they do.
“Dude, I can’t believe they STILL don’t sell beer,” is a common phrase you’ll hear at tailgates. Students say this like it has been an on-going political debate for centuries. Since Boone Pickens doesn’t sell beer, the mindset of many students is to get as shit-housed as possible to be able to keep a slight buzz by the end of the 4th quarter. Outside of the stadium, dodging tailgate cops to get to other tailgates is a must to achieve the optimal game-day experience. The skill to journey from tailgate to tailgate should be put down on every OSU student’s resume because we’ve all seen other students pull amazing feats of athleticism to escape the clutches of the fuzz.
Here’s where your intoxicated self has to do some math. We’re not talking some Good Will Hunting shit, but the equally hard drunken math. We’re referring to the ability to gauge how long the Murphy’s line is and calculate if you’ll get adequate bar time after waiting in the infinitely long line before yelling “Fuck it, let’s go to The Cricket!”
Who knows why they have 4 cash registers for 25,000 students. While they decide to add a 5th or 6th one, we’re stuck suffering in another infinitely long line. Most of the time is spent daydreaming about God knows what until the little devil on your shoulder whispers, “That 3D printer absolutely needs to be messed with.” Students are also prone to going back and forth between playing “Student Union dress-up” and stressing out about the total dollar amount of the paper in their hands.
There must be like a quota to fill because there are always geeds in the Spider-Nest t
We hope our researchers here at The Black Sheep have accurately shown some of the peculiar behavioral habits that the Cowboy family has so lovingly taken into the culture.
This one’s for all of you who’ve been duct taped inside a porta-potty: