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7 Ways to Completely Piss Off Any Cowboy

 

There’s something special about OSU that sits in every Cowboy’s heart, but for every “pro,” two “cons” could match like they’re going in on a blunt. Cowboys are no stranger to the monotonous hum of daily-bullshit that is Stillwater, but here’re 7 specific annoyances that’ll have a Poke pacifying their rage with a bottle.

 

7.) Waiting 30 Minutes for Chick-fil-A:

Hungry AF and need some nourishment before you waste away in your next class? You’re better off competing with campus squirrels for acorns than getting food in a timely manner. If every “restaurant” in the union but Dick-fil-A being closed doesn’t piss you off, the 30-minute wait for nuggets surely will. For the love of god…have your ID ready, rather than making the rest of us watch you fumble through Pandora’s Backpack.

 

6.) Cut in Line Outside Murphy’s:

It feels like 10 below 0 and you’ve been waiting in line listening to some drunk chick whine about underdressing for the past 30 minutes. Suddenly, a group of passersbys nonchalantly slip into line like being a decent human-being isn’t a thing. And, since everyone’s shit-canned already, most people don’t even notice, creating what’s essentially a drunken purgatory.

 

5.) F*ck With the Water Quality:

In a place called “Stillwater” you’d expect the water quality to be pretty consistent. When really, you’re questioning whether drinking bleach would be safer than orange, now-chlorine-filled pool-water. Not to mention, the lack of disclosure that all the water pipes from campus to downtown Stilly are full of lead…yeah, look that shit up.

 

4.) Damn Them to Hell:

It’s bad enough to walk half a mile to class with a splitting headache, cotton mouth, and alcohol-seeping pores without being damned to Hell by Preacher Bob. We really don’t need a reminder of all the shit we intentionally got drunk enough last night to forget. Even worse, having to bear listening to some dumbass attempt to argue with the physical embodiment of Old Testament wrath.

 

3.) Put an OU Sticker on Your Vehicle:

Who the fuck thinks it’s acceptable to display an OU sticker while living in Stillwater? Shockingly enough, these vehicles are never keyed, despite the inclination to do so. It just goes to show that Cowboys know how to keep it classy. Something our crimson counterparts couldn’t do to save their obnoxiously-prideful asses.

 

2.) Raise Tuition, Then Lose Head Coach Due to Lack of Pay:

With a 10% tuition hike, you’d think OSU’s wallets would be bursting at the seams. That money clearly didn’t go toward the welfare of our athletics department, but what importance does a successful basketball program hold when there’re horse statues to be built?

 

1.) Turn left anywhere on McElroy:

To anyone who’s ever held up a block’s-worth of traffic because they just “had” to turn left on McElroy can go f*ck themselves. Seemingly, the only light that will never turn green, not to mention the lack of a turn signal, it’s single-lane bullshit gives one person the ability to be collectively hated by every person behind them.

 

Unless University Health Services has you on that TarXan regimen, The Black Sheep are certain these annoyances will induce premature hypertension. 

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