We all make mistakes. It’s a fact of life. But, we bury them deep down inside and move past it, as per the American way. If you’ve survived your freshman year here at OSU, the following list will be quite familiar.
8.) Buying Expensive Alcohol:
The college party scene is still new to you, and you think people are going to give a shit what you’re drinking. Either that, or your parents are loaded and that debit card in your wallet says it’s free. Regardless, you’ve bought a bottle that is far too expensive for the party. Of course, there are always the out-of-staters who buy Iron Monk to look cool and show off their “refined beer palate.” The results may differ, but all end badly.
7.) Buying Cheap Alcohol:
On the opposite side of the alcohol spectrum is the real budget liquor. Barton’s, Burnett’s, Tvarscki, Kentucky Deluxe, Rich & Rare etc. If those are your drinks of choice, C&L will see a lot of you this semester. For the frugal drunk this may be the only option, but for people who value themselves it’s self-inflicted taste bud genocide, and nobody (especially girls) will want to match you a shot.
6.) Accepting Hazing from Upperclassmen Sorority Gals:
If you’re in a fraternity, chances are you’ve been hazed by some upperclassman sorority girl force-feeding you liquor, or waltzing in to your room at 2 a.m. after a dickhead older member kicks the door in and throws you out of bed so she can order you and your fellow pledges to do some pledge calisthenics. Although you don’t have much a say in the latter, it is essential you at the very least have her match you.
5.) Expecting Savings to Last:
That cool rack stored away should last at least through the semester, right? Nah. The money you worked your ass off for this past summer will be gone before you can say “philanthropy.”
4.) Bursar Abuse:
Abusing the Bursar is a road heavily paved with blatant incentive. The Student Union bookstore is a cruel temptress whom seduces students with a plethora of OSU-clad clothing, but really sinks its teeth in with OrangeTech and the technological goodies we all love. With access to what is essentially a grocery store with the inclusion of Which Which as well as Linguetti’s not far off, the freshman 15 is quite obtainable and will wreak havoc on your bursar. You mean to tell me all I have to do is swipe this magic card and the $900 worth of books/all the food in the world is mine? It’s essentially a credit card with an unlimited credit line that you don’t have to pay. That is, until the end of the month comes and your parents see the grotesque bill that’s been accumulated and put you under a watchful eye thereafter.
3.) Skipping Class:
A common side-effect of having a class in Morrill Hall when the weather decides to go from 70 and sunny one day to 20 with arctic wind tunnels between every building. Hopefully it was worth it, you missed a quiz.
2.) No Backup DD:
Before rolling out with the squad, roles are determined for the night, namely, who will be the designated driver. An hour later the guy who is supposed to be driving you home is pounding shots of tequila at Good Ol’ like he’s in Mexico. Fast forward a couple hours later and you need a ride, but efforts of communication are completely hindered by intoxication so you dismiss your inability to work the Uber app as being glitchy and find a nice dry patch of floor to “rest your eyes.”
1.) Drinking and Driving:
It’s two in the morning and those drunchies are in full swing at this point. A patty melt and some fries from Whataburger sound ultra-dank and the only thing stopping you from clogging your arteries is the distance. Walking is a terrible option for fear of a PI (you could be one of the lucky 100 people who got arrested during Welcome Week), and you’re quite simply too drunk to make the walk anyway. It’s not a far drive and you drank and drove all the time in your hometown, so you’re Gucci, right? Enjoy using your new blow-n-go for the next two years, courtesy of Payne County and the DUI bloodhounds that are OSU and Stillwater police.