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Busting Your Slump: A Murphy’s How-To Guide

Although the single life at OSU can be a fun ride for an ambitious bachelor, even the best of us find ourselves lying alone in bed on a Friday night.  There’s always a plethora of talent present at Murphy’s any given weekend to score that “O” (SU) face. So, as long as you’re 21 (or have a premium-ass fake) you should be looking toward the hub of alcoholic activity as a primary hunting ground.

 

Start by assembling your A-Team and roll out with the squad to Murphy’s. If you’re unfortunate enough to have to endure the line outside, use this time as a strategic opportunity to open a dialogue and establish rapport with fellow bar patrons of the fairer sex. Once inside, start pounding back the shots to relinquish any anxieties and grow a pair.

 

The first course of action to be taken is to establish your presence at good ol’ Murphy’s and make it known. Run the pool table and be as loud as can be. Like, really put some elbow into it when you’re breaking and make those loud cracking sounds for even the people waiting in that unending bar line to hear. Everyone will totally think you’re badass. Your displays of dominance will lead to an exceedingly endorphin-fueled high that will no doubt turn you into a complete and drunken douchebag. This state of douche swag will make you inexplicably irresistible to women.

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They say good things come to those who wait, but who has time for that when there are blisters forming on palms? Here at The Black Sheep we say neigh to letting our fellow Cowboys wallow in self-pity. So, get back on the horse and get to slaying, you sexual deviant.

Something so bad, 12 beers later, is so, so good.

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