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7 Fresh Hells for Freshmen to Discover on OSU’s Campus

 

Ah, freshman year at Oklahoma State University. What a beautiful time of exploring the great campus, making new friends, and realizing every perk your tour guide told you while considering what college to go to was a lie. Okay, maybe not every perk, but what the happy-go-lucky tour guide pals didn’t tell you is all the annoyances that come with the so-called “perks.”

 

Student Union:

Fun fact: Oklahoma State’s student union is What they don’t tell you is, it’s a vicious fiasco full of lines where only the strong survive and the weak are found at the back of the line that wraps around to the electronic section near the self-start DJ kits.

 

The weak stay long enough to reconsider their life plan, and buy the self-start DJ kit. They create a Soundcloud and tell everyone to “check out their new mix coming out.” No one views it, listens to it, or cares about it. They realize they suck as a DJ, decide to go back to school, and end up in the same line on a different day. Don’t buy a self-start DJ kit in the Student Union because you can’t cut in line like any other decent human.

 

The Steps of Morrill Hall:

At OSU, there is a myth saying “if you walk on the front steps of Morrill Hall you won’t graduate on time.” If you’re superstitious and freaking out because you’ve already walked on the steps of Morrill, enjoy the next five years of college. If you aren’t superstitious, and choose to walk up the front steps anyway, enjoy looking like an idiot.

 

Meal Plans:

Meal plans are the best AND worst things for freshmen. They’re  the best, because Chick-fil-A is conveniently located at the Student Union. They’re  the worst, because Chick-fil-A is conveniently located at the Student Union. When you come to college you develop this ability to sometimes shut off the sense in your head called logic. Logically speaking, it is in never okay to eat Chick-fil-A every single day of your freshman year. A close friend that comes in a packaged deal with meal plan is also Type 2 Diabetes. The freshman fifteen is not as true as the sophomore thirty. Watch out, kids.

 

Parking:

Parking is one of the most frustrating things about OSU.  After buying a parking pass, you may think that you will always have a spot. That is a big misconception here. Little do you know, you will become a wild animal stalking its prey in the Drummond parking lot, waiting for the right opportunity to seize your rightful spot. When you finally locate your target, make sure to pounce as soon as you can, because your fellow Cowboys are ruthless assholes.

 

 

Printing in the Library:

Running late to class? Need to print something quick at the library? Don’t count on Edmond Low. 

 

 

Preacher Bob:

It’s a beautiful day, you’re walking to class, the birds are chirping, the fat imported squirrels are playing around Theta Pond, and then you hear a roar of people screaming insults at a random middle-aged man. Say hello to the guy who can piss off 25,962 people in a day. Preacher Bob is an extremist who hates everyone, including himself. You can find him on random days at Library Lawn shouting accusations at every person who walks by. If spotted, prepare to be told you are going to hell, flip him off, and keep moving.  

 

 

Bacterial Water:

A common phrase you will hear around Stillwater is “America’s brightest orange.” At first, you may associate it with the sea of orange that floods into Boone Pickens Stadium on game day, but the phrase also applies to the water on campus at random times of the year, because bacteria. Don’t worry, you’ll receive an email that warns you of the bacteria in the water. Hopefully, you’re among the lucky ones who check their email before they brush their teeth that morning. Not all are. 

 

So freshmen, we have let you in on some of the unavoidable things that suck about OSU. You have much more to learn for yourself, though. Watch out for the orange bacterial water, stay away from Preacher Bob, and cut someone in line at the Union. We all do it.

 

Wonder why freshmen suck? We have it figured out:

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