Local srat star Kylee “Keg-Stand” Smith has been in close communications with one of her pledge sisters who is currently LITERALLY dead on I-35.
“Yeah Sara literally ditched me at Starbs so she could get home earlier to see her Pomeranian, Lulu,” the sorority girl stopped to check her Apple Watch, “what a bitch am I right?” Kylee reported.
“Starbs,” for the uninformed, has now been deemed the nickname of the popular coffee chain, Starbucks.
Kylee has been able to disclose that her sorority sister has now been confirmed as stopped literally dead in traffic.
“There is no freakin’ way she survives out there,” Kylee added, “all she has is her Sphynx cat, Barbra, she carries around. Not to mention she also ran out of all of her data and can’t even listen to Spotify now… she’s a goner.”
The pledge sister, Sara, was able to respond to Kylee “Keg-Stand” in this following text message. To some readers, this content may be graphic beyond all belief.
“Kylee, oh my god my sushi reservations just got cancelled because I’M RUNNING LATE. I’m LITERALLY dying out here. And the homeless guy walking around the stoplight keeps stopping at my window asking for money but all I have is daddy’s credit card. Seriously WTF do I do?”
Kylee and Sara’s initial plan was to leave together at the same time before Grey’s Anatomy debuted their newest episode. Kylee explained that Sara was going to invite some of the Phi Taus over to watch it with them on her home theatre screen.
“Yeah, it’s super dope,” Kylee exclaimed.
Unfortunately with Sara’s near literally death experience on I-35, none of these plans were able to follow through and instead she was left with the only options of online shopping for the newest Kate Spade purse and stroking her pussycat, Barbra.
If you want to get out of town and home at a reasonable time, leave now and forever hold your peace. Don’t let Lulu and Barbra be your only friends this fall break, Cowboys.
Just like the leaves on trees or the srat stars’ skin, coffee in Starbucks cups nation wide is turning orange this month?