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Things People Really Should be Yelling at Preacher Bob

 

Ah, religion. A personal subject that people, like Preacher Bob, make into a hobby. During his short-lived visits to Stillwater, Bob makes sure to cover as many topics as he can, so we’ve compiled his favorite ones into a quick list. Next time this walking chode comes to cover some of these topics, brighten everyone’s day with one of these comebacks.

 

Bob’s Topic: All Girls Are Sluts

What He Says:

Preacher Bob loves to point out that every college girl is a certified slut. We know he’s probably holding a grudge from lack of pussy he gets. And we all know sluts have more fun anyway.

What You Should Say Back:

-“I burn hella calories, though.”

.”

 

Bob’s Topic: Greeks Are All Going To Hell

What He Says:

Ah, the Greeks. He targets ‘em as alcoholics and sluts because clearly everyone fits that stereotype. Join the Greek house, ΗΘΣ, and own it because sex with fraternity boys is worth the sin. Make a sign saying, “Booze for Prez” because then there would be no more violence, just darties all day.

What You Should Say Back:

-“You mad we wouldn’t rush you?”

-“Who do you know here?”

-“Do you even church?”

 

Bob’s Topic: Biblical References

What He Says:

Now, we wonder how educated on the Bible Preacher Bob really is. He shotguns multiple topics so quickly before you can catch onto him, that Pistol Pete wants to aim his gun in his own face.

What You Should Say Back:

-“You aren’t good enough for Noah’s boat.”

-“I’m going to Hell because that’s where the sluts are.”

 

Bob’s Topic: Girls’ Clothes Are Too Revealing

What He Says:

Preacher Bob thinks everything a girl wears is too sexual. But, isn’t in the Bible to not look at girls in a sexual way? We think there is something sinning within him…

What You Should Say Back:

-“Your dad picked out my outfit.”

-“You’re welcome for the boner.”

 

Bob’s Topic: He Is “Perfect”

What He Says:

Of all people, Preacher Bob truly believes he is a saint. But, look at him. If Christians are supposed to be loving and accepting of everyone, then why is he so judgmental?

What You Should Say Back:

-“Did you get your Bible off Craigslist?”

-“Nuns are your only friends.”

-“You’re teaching ignorance.”

 

Bob’s Topic: Anything Else He Says

What He Says:

It’s still difficult to get a word in, because the mother f*cker won’t ever shut up. Isn’t a preacher supposed to want to answer your craven questions? He’s like a crazy girlfriend who accuses you of everything and then storms off before she can hear your side of things. 

What You Should Say Back:

-“F*ck you.”

-“Suck my dick.”

*Flip off*

-“Hell sounds pretty f*cking lit.”

 

Yes, it’s pathetic Preacher Bob spends his days on OSU’s library lawn heckling fellow Cowboys as if he was an OU student, but at least he’s not a Mormon showing up at your home.

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