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5 Reasons You Won’t Graduate From Ole Miss Besides Flunking Out

They say that college is the best four years of your life. While that statement holds true for some, many at the University of Mississippi must take a victory lap… or three. There are many reasons you might not be graduating on time, but here are the most likely (or accepted) ones:

5.) “Freshmen Forgiveness”:

We don’t really know the official name for this maneuver, but the idea of freshman forgiveness is simple. If you fail a class, or just choose to repeat a class, you have four opportunities to completely scrap the original grade from your transcript. The idea is that you get one of these per year, but the majority of us fuck up the most during freshman year, causing all four to get utilized on classes like Writing or PoliSci 101. It seems like a no brainer to use your forgivenesses, but using all of them freshman year is now the reason you have to take an extra semester—good times.

4.) Wanting another football season:

You might have the grades and all the credits you need to graduate, but are you REALLY ready to leave? Do you want last year’s abysmal football season to have been your last football season here? Even though every single year we say, “next year is the year” that “Ole Miss football is going all the way”, doesn’t mean it won’t be true this time. So stay here and bask in the glory, might as well pick up that extra minor while you’re at it. Even if this isn’t “the year” you definitely won’t regret a fifth season of drunken tomfoolery in the Grove.  

 3.) FOMO:

If you’re a senior that’s ready to graduate, but all your friends are still lagging behind you for whatever reason, there’s the classic “Fear Of Missing Out” which is inevitable in a place like Oxford. You don’t wanna be stuck working a shitty cubicle job in some interchangeable southeastern city while your friends are still booling in Mississippi, the armpit of America. To turn on Snapchat while you’re at work and see the whole squad getting turnt on Funky’s daiquiris induces a serious case of FOMO, one that is hard to fight as a 22-year-old, wishing to be a freshman again. FOMO is a debilitating disease that only the strongest can fight, so it might keep you back in Oxvegas for a little longer.

2.) You can’t get a job:

This one is kind of the opposite of FOMO. You have all your credits to graduate, you’re ready to get out, but you can’t win the race for an entry level position anywhere. Ole Miss has a pretty solid reputation, and a diploma from this place is usually enough to land you some kind of paycheck, but maybe you were fucking around too much senior spring and didn’t start the job search early enough. At some point you just say “fuck it” and sign another lease down here to pursue a double major or a bartending class, whatever makes you happy.  

1.) You hit big at Tunica:

This is it. It’s a random weeknight with jack shit to do, and you decide to send it to Gold Strike Casino in Tunica. It’s 3 a.m. you’re ten drinks deep, plus another four at the buffet, and you have one chance to make bank at the roulette table. It hits red, and you cash in big time. This is essentially the goal of any Ole Miss senior who goes to Tunica, the sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, you make enough money to buy yourself an extra semester at the best place on earth. It’s uncommon, unmatched, and damn near impossible, but if you make it happen, God bless you.

 

Like booze before noon? So do these guys…

 

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