Things have changed a lot since your Mom has been in college. Then again, some things never change. She’s definitely going to have some questions and concerns when she sees the shit you and the fools around you are up to at The Levee. These five things are just a start:
5.) “What the hell? Is that a cigarette in your mouth, Rachel?”
Ever since high school health class, you swore you’d never smoke a cigarette. On top of your promise to yourself, you promised your mom. Your dad secretly smokes Marbs in the garage every Saturday, so he doesn’t mind as much. Now here you are, a few drinks in, outside on The Levee’s porch with a Marlboro Light in between your fingers. You don’t even really enjoy it, it just feels right, ya know? Mom, however, disagrees.
4.) “HEY! Stop using my credit card!”
Ahhh, the classic, “Oh sorry I must’ve accidentally given the bartender the wrong card!” You know damn well the blue one is yours and the orange one is Mom and Dad’s, but it’s a risk you’re willing to take. For some, this is riskier than others (let’s remember we go to Ole Miss). Yours only has like 17 cents on it anyway, so you really have no choice. Prepare for Karen to bitch you out, then prepare to get yourself a job.
3.) “Why is that guy sucking on a flash-drive?”
When you go to The Levee, you’re bound to see your fair share of JUULs. This is somewhat a new concept to all of us, but it’s absolutely a new concept for your mom. Flash drives were once a ground-breaking innovation, but they’re nothing compared to a JUUL. Now, we have the ability to kill our lungs in an efficient, fashionable way! Mom will either be disgusted, or ask to try one.
2.) “It’s Monday, why aren’t you doing homework?”
Your response sounds something like, “Well… Mother, you uncultured swine, it’s $2 pitcher night. If you’re not going to raise my allowance I have to pick my battles.” Okay hopefully you’re more respectful, but it’s important that she understands how meaningful this is. It’s the absolute best way to reach maximum calorie intake and spend minimum money. What did we do to deserve Levee Monday nights? Our mothers must’ve raised us right.
1.) “What!? Why is it called a Blackout Bucket?”
This might be hard to believe, but Moms, and parents in general, don’t understand the desire of young adults to get truly fucked up. They think it’s inappropriate and dangerous to drink so irresponsibly. That is until they visit you for a Saturday at Ole Miss and end up screaming on Funky’s stage and throwing up the next day. This is the moment you realize the whole thing is a front. Everyone gets trashed, and that is precisely what a Blackout Bucket is for. Any more questions, Mom?
Just give your mom some time. The Levee can be alarming at first, but she’ll grow to love it just like the rest of us do but refuse to admit.
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