The first weekend of the baseball season was one for the books, with the Rebels completing a three-game sweep of a scrappy Winthrop University team. The atmosphere at Swayze was outstanding as per usual. Students flocked to right field to see the Rebels kick ass, and had a few drinks. One thing every Rebel learned from this experience was a number of phrases utilized to harass the umpires after questionable calls:
5.) “Are you Hugh Freeze, cause you didn’t cover up that call for shit!”
Every negative action at Ole Miss in the common era ultimately relates back to Hugh Freeze. Every season-altering, piss poor decision, or lapse in judgement by somebody in power will always cause students to pull the Hugh card. It’s a telltale sign of a colossal fuck up, and one that brings great shame to an umpire and their family.
4.) “My grandmother could make a better call than that!”
This is the classic chirp that ages like fine wine. Why’s Granny always have to take the heat like this? Maybe grandmas would actually make good umpires. That being said, we’ve yet to see one ump a game, and can only assume she’d do it poorly since everyone brings up her namesake during atrocious calls. It’s nothing personal, Grandma.
3.) “You drop more calls than C-Spire!”
An insult unique to Mississippi, because outside of this shithole nobody’s even heard of this cell service. They’re notorious for frequently drops calls, but not more frequently than an umpire who just doesn’t seem to see what you do from right field.
2.) “HA! I thought I was the drunkest person here!”
You probably are, but even after chugging a Coors 12-pack in the student section you could call the game better than these grumpy umps. Fuck, you can barely see the game from the student section sober as is, add alcohol in to the mix and game over. It’s demoralizing for the ump to be compared to your alcoholic self.
1.) “Hey ump, how much did they pay you in Flex?”
We’re not saying the opposing team always pays the umps, but if they’re going to rig calls, why do so with something as common as money? The University of Mississippi is a Flex based economy, and opponents play in to this fact more than you might think.
These are just a few ideas for the next time you’re at Swayze (like on Tuesday when we play Memphis), feeling drunk and riled up. Be the fan the umps deserve – a merciless, obnoxious, inebriated asshole.
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