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Booze Review: The Levee’s Blackout Bucket

If you’re not familiar, this Oxford bar’s signature drink comes in a decent size beer pitcher, and varies in color from a deep lime green to a turquoise blue. There are four different types of cheap liquor poured in simultaneously, which usually just ends up being whatever’s in the bartender’s reach. Ah, mouthwatering. This seems like a lot of liquor, but the ratio of sugary shit to alcohol isn’t exactly 50/50. This drink has fucked up dudes stumbling all over the bar, and it’s up to you to decide if they’re faking it.

Grade: C-

Smells like: Your grandma’s house mixed with your least favorite flavor of Burnett’s.

Tastes like: A carbonated blue raspberry lollipop, with a touch of dirty dish water.

Typical drinkers:
– A group of girls having a GNO who are entirely convinced they’re getting a fabulous deal on this stellar concoction.
– The weenie who asked for max amount of straws just to offer it up to the girl huddle in the corner of the bar.
– The Ole Miss dad that sees the advertisement on the bar and drunkenly yells, “We’ll take three!”
– The annoying kid visiting who keeps yelling, “Roll Tide,” to get literally anyone to notice him.

User comments:
– “Wow, I hardly even taste the alcohol in this!”
– “OMG girl your tongue is green, smile I’m gonna take a snap.”
– “Dude what the fuck, why are you drinking beer? Have you even tried the Blackout Bucket?”
– “Yeah, I got into Harvard but chose Ole Miss because I just always knew Oxford was meant to be my home.”

Best described as a drink superior to:
A watered-down Diet Coke that’s been sitting in the back of your dusty ass Honda Civic since last summer.

How bad is the hangover?
Oh, you mean after a pitcher full of miscellaneous sugary substances? Pretty fucking bad. Friendly reminder to the local alcoholics reading: it’s meant for sharing.

Is it worth the price?
Most of you barely even have 20 bucks, so probably not. You’re better off walking around like the homeless person you are, and asking random drunk people if you can have a sip of theirs.

Why hasn’t my mom returned my calls?
You’ve now read an entire review on something called a “Blackout Bucket”; she’s done with your bullshit.

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