The University of Mississippi has long been known to be a mecca for Greek life in the United States. Each year, thousands of potential frat stars visit campus with the hopes of becoming Old Row famous and prematurely hitting the peak of their existence. For the lovely women of Ole Miss (or just any individual trying to get a point across), it can be a challenge to speak the language of these strapping young men. Here’s a guide to help you out when speaking frat:
This is extremely key; particularly if you find yourself working on a group project with a frat star and have to provide them with directions. Chances are that said frat star is highly intoxicated at an inappropriate time of the day, whether it be with alcohol or other illicit substances. The good news is he’ll get the work done because he’s probably a functioning addict, but you’ll have to repeat yourself multiple times before it stays in what’s left of his memory.
Keep up with frat boy vernacular:
“Sick as fuckkk bruh, nasty. That shit is so savage, keep slaying you animal,” is a common, long-winded phrase among fraternity men that utilizes some of the most up-to-date vocabulary. These words aren’t learned in the classroom; if you want an education in frat speak, listen to
Stroke the ego:
Look, you might not think every frat guy deserves a pat on the head for tying his Sperrys the right way, and you’re wrong. The majority of these dudes don’t. However, stroking their ego is a foolproof way to get what you want out of any frat hero. Whether it be a poor relationship with their parents, the pressure of making it big back home in Jackson after college, or crippling depression induced by binge drinking, frat guys are all secretly insecure. They need that boost to their ego to keep them going like a cup of coffee in the morning. If you give them that, they’ll give you what you need.
Don’t talk about other frats:
Frat guys don’t have a lot of pride (as evidenced by the ignorance posted every day on Barstool and Old Row), but one remaining strand of dignity that they do have comes from the most important aspect of their life: their fraternity chapter. Even though every chapter at Ole Miss is essentially the same, frat guys like to pretend that they’re an extremely diverse group of kids who differ greatly from their peers. So when you talk to Brad from Chi Psi about that Beta party you went to last week, expect him to get defensive and start shitting on Chad the Beta, even though Chad and Brad got wasted at The Levee together every night before rush.
Google Translate couldn’t do what we just did for you, and we’re not even academically dishonest. Go out and mingle with the well rounded fraternity men of Ole Miss now that you understand the lingo.
Listen to Talk of Shame, a podcast about being young & dumb. Hosted by 2 drunk girls from The Black Sheep corporate, Mackenzie Harding & Andrea Jablonski. One can’t find her tampon, the other one’s laundry is probably on fire.