There is a diverse pool of majors to be chosen from at our beautiful institution of higher education, the “University of Ole Miss.” Students come from far and wide to pursue degrees that will allow them to chase the paper after graduation. For those of you struggling to pick a major, we’ve done you the service of renaming them to more accurately fit what they really are…
Business – Fraternology:
If you’re a business major at Ole Miss, chances are you’re frat as fuck. The majority of our business majors are just preparing to live like Jordan Belfort, learning the ins and outs of money and trade while living lavish lifestyles. In addition, a prerequisite for every business major is having a MAGA sticker on your laptop. If you want to spend more time at the bars than at the library, and plan on establishing yourself in Jackson or Memphis after you graduate, this is the major for you.
Accounting – Being Rich and Bored:
Accounting is the most highly regarded major at Ole Miss, but it’s certainly not a cakewalk. Students should expect ample workloads, as well as a moderately to extremely depressing lifestyle, and hardass professors. Your classmates will be some of the most boring people you’ll ever meet. However, if you can survive hell and earn the degree, you will have job offers out the ass, and six figures calling your name. If you’ve been gifted with extreme patience, accounting might be your forte.
Integrated Marketing Communications – Explaining to Everyone What Your Major Means
IMC is a journalism-business hybrid of sorts, we think. It’s a fast growing, popular major that can get you a broad spectrum of jobs, but often times, most people don’t know what the fuck it even means. When you go to a family reunion and tell your second cousin who you haven’t seen in years that you’re an IMC major, they’ll probably respond with “Come again?” or “What is that?” You need to be prepared and have a knowledge of what it is, because you are going to have to explain it to literally everyone.
English – I Have No Idea What I’m Doing With My Life:
English majors are usually very smart, insightful, critical thinkers. They see underlying meaning in everything, even if it isn’t there. But what does one do with an English degree? Who knows? It’s not like you can make money for repping a fedora, having piercings in strange places, or sitting in a Starbucks reading the paper for an irrational amount of time. That’s the drawback for many, but if you can embrace the unexpected and finagle some job connections, you’re golden.
Pharmacy – Yung Legal Trap Lords:
Pharmacy is a major for two types of people: nerdy, science oriented individuals, or drug dealers who don’t want legal repercussions. One of the key things to know about the pharmacy major is that it takes seven years to get a degree. If you have a strong enough liver to survive seven years of binge drinking in Oxford, Mississippi, you could handle pharmacy. Just remember, don’t get high on your own supply.
Engineering – Major of No Return
Anyone who’s not an engineer looks at engineering and says, “Fuck, I’m glad I don’t have to do that.” There are engineering courses that are so hard that an A is an 80. A solid percentage of students who enroll in the engineering program will not last past their freshman year. And finally, the worst part of this major is that Einstein’s is located in the building, so you have to suffer through impossible classes while being tortured by the smell of bomb ass bagels. There is always a demand for engineers, though, so if you’ve got a god given talent in math and science, hit the labs.
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