OXFORD, Miss.— A newly crowned freshman frat star has been released from his fraternity and placed on waivers following just one week of pledgeship.
Chad Sperryton was officially cut at the end of last week by the Sigma Apple Omega through utilization of the controversial “Slipped Through The Cracks Clause.” This bill enables IFC fraternities to cut new members on the basis of not getting to know them well enough during rush. And when it turns out your newest pledges are a bunch of shithead 18 year-old kids, this clause really does come in handy.
“We discussed cutting Chad at the end of the second round of formal recruitment,” said Rush Chair, Ben Dover. “Ultimately, we thought we could mold him into a real fraternity man through the pledgeship process. Unfortunately, he repeatedly missed house hours, failed to report to actives, and really just turned out to be a total boner with money. It was a tough decision, but we’ve decided to move on, and wish him nothing but the best.”
After he clears waivers, Sperryton can be signed by any other chapter on campus, provided that they deem him worthy of a snap bid. Upon signing with another fraternity, he must pass a physical before reporting to pledgeship the following day.
IFC scouts have projected that he will likely end up having to wait until spring rush to accept another bid.
“Getting cut is a huge blow to Chad’s ego. It will most certainly affect his performance in the classroom, and could drop him below the required GPA necessary for accepting a bid,” said one IFC spokesperson. “Give him some time for the situation to boil over, and you have a very durable and able-bodied pledge with mediocre frat potential.”
For more information, hangout on the benches outside Stockard Hall, as the gossip will surely be flowing amongst fratling freshmen males.
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