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Shit You’re Just Too Old For at Ole Miss

Remember freshman year?  You got to Oxford for the first time and had the entire world at your fingertips. Everything was new; you were young, wide-eyed, and inexperienced. Fast forward two years, and you feel like you’re watching yourself in the mirror when you look at the current freshmen doing all the absurd shit you know you’re too old for. Some aspects of the Ole Miss experience are timeless, but others you just gotta grow out of.  Here is a list of what all you upperclassmen should be past at this point in your careers:

The Levee:
Back in the day, you could hit Club Levee every night and overpay to get shitfaced with your kinfolk. We’re not saying you can’t go back once in awhile and take a trip down memory lane, but if you’re above a certain age and still go to The Levee regularly, it’s time to reevaluate your habits. It’s a fine line.

Being a douche about your “top tier” fraternity or sorority:
You came to Ole Miss for one reason, and that was that you thought you had what it took to be the frattest motherfucker on the face of the Earth. Rush week freshman year was all about getting into the top houses, but by now, you should realize there’s really no such thing. At the end of the day, your fraternity is just a launching pad for meeting new people and finding the friends you wanna get fucked up with on a regular basis.  

Promising yourself you’re gonna get your GPA up:
At this point in your academic career, you are what you are. You were either born a provost scholar or a perennial underachiever. Whether you’re the latter or the former, it doesn’t matter. You’re (hopefully) closer to your degree than you are to the start of college. Your study habits won’t magically change, and neither will your GPA.

Getting piss drunk and jumping into the Phi Mu fountain:
Yeah, it’s a hell of a tradition, and nobody’s gonna argue that. But now is not the time to be rolling around in the crowned cesspool of the academic quad. You’re way too physically developed and emotionally mature to be near that fountain anytime after the sun goes down.  

Ordering fake IDs for the Square:
By junior year, you should be at least 20. This means you have a year or less until what you’ve been doing for the past two years is no longer illegal. No reason you can’t finesse your way in with a crowd of legal drinkers, or just wait it out till your 21. Buying a fake for less than a year of use is a waste of money.

Taking Pictures with the “fins up” hand:
We get it, you go to Ole Miss, and you’ve been going to Ole Miss for three fucking years now. Don’t talk about it, be about it. Putting a hand on your forehead for an Instagram picture in the Vaught captioned “Fins Up <3” literally screams “I am a freshman”.

Overdressing for a tailgate:
This one is more specific to the guys, but c’mon fellas, seriously?  Why do you wanna go out and drink for six hours in 90-degree heat looking like a pledge? We all know you can put on, but just chill out. Colored pants, suits, ties, etc. Hardo move, chill the fuck out.

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