While Ole Miss is an awesome school, there are plenty of things to complain about. In the spirit of March Madness, we decided to create a Shitty Sixteen bracket of totally shitty Ole Miss things. So, who will win the title of shittiest of them all?
Freshmen Frat Stars (1) vs. Grove Squirrels (16)
Although they are not as vicious as the infamous Grove Squirrels, they are pretty annoying. You know exactly who we’re talking about when we say Freshmen Frat Stars. They’re the kids who just got bids and read way too much TFM. You can spot them a mile away in their Nantucket Red khaki shorts, Old Row t-shirt, and Sperry’s. No upset here folks. Freshman Frat Stars win by a landslide. Winner: Freshmen Frat Stars
Kids Who Bike to Class (9) vs. The One Kid in Your Class that Never Showers (8)
Solid matchup here. Two very evenly matched opponents. Almost being run over by a kid riding their bike really fast is never fun. But neither is sitting next to the stinky kid in class with greasy hair. There’s one in every class and if you don’t have a smelly kid in your class, it’s probably you. Winner: The One Kid in Your Class that Never Showers.
The Union Lines at Lunch Time (5) vs. Shoemaker Hall (12)
We’ve all been stuck in those God forsaken lines at the union waiting to get some grub. And we’ve all thought, “I’m not going to make it. I’m too hungry for this bullshit”. But, we always do make it in the end. Because we’re Ole Miss Rebels and we’re tough. Most of us have also had a few classes in Shoemaker Hall. For those of you lucky individuals who have not had the pleasure of having a class in Shoemaker, let us enlighten you. Shoemaker Hall is a lot like your grandmother’s house. It’s old, it smells like old people, and it’s uncomfortably toasty at all times. And for that, Shoemaker pulls the upset on Union Lines at Lunch Time. Winner: Shoemaker Hall
8 a.m. Classes (4) vs. Game day Traffic (13)
8 a.m.’s are classes at; you guessed it, 8 a.m. They were created by Satan to punish college students everywhere. Word of advice to the youngsters out there, NEVER take an 8 a.m. And then there’s Game Day Traffic. Trying to leave Oxford after a football game is damn near impossible. But on the brightside, we only have to deal with game day traffic a few day out of the year. Winner: 8 a.m. Classes
That One Class That’s All the Way Across Campus (6) vs. Library During Finals Week (11)
Ole Miss is not that big of a campus, but boy, walking from fraternity row all the way to Lamar Hall is a bitch of a walk, especially during the winter. You always contemplate skipping it because you’re lazy and don’t want to walk that far. But, come finals week there will be not one single seat for in the library. Which is also a bitch, just not as frequent of a nuisance. Winner: That One Class That’s Across Campus
Construction (3) vs. Kincannon Hall (14)
The University of Mississippi: under construction since 1848. Has there been a semester at this school without half the campus being under construction? We think not. It’s a beautiful campus here, but the construction is not pretty to look at. Speaking of eye sores, Kincannon Hall is big, ugly, and old. However, Kincannon is where it’s at if you’re a freshmen boy. Winner: Construction
Visiting LSU Fans (7) vs. UPD Cops with a Chip on their Shoulder (10)
A battle of the titans right here folks. How is this not the final? When they come every other year, LSU fans take over Oxford with their purple and yellow and their God forsaken corndogs. But are they worse than Cops with Something to Prove? Listen, not all UPD officers are assholes. In fact, most of them are really chill, down to earth people who are just protecting the campus. And we respect the hell out of them for that. BUT, there are a few of them who watched too many episodes of Cops and too many of the Lethal Weapon movies. They just love power tripping and giving the kids a hard time. Winner: UPD Cops with a Chip on their Shoulder.
Rebel Black Bear (2) vs. Running Out of Flex (15)
Do we even need to say anything? Winner: Rebel Black Bear
Freshman Frat Stars (1) vs. That One Kid in Your Class That Never Showers (8)
Hey, at least the smelly kid in your class is nice, whereas Freshman Frat Stars are kind of dicks. Freshman Frat Stars by a landslide. Winner: Freshman Frat Stars
Shoemaker Hall (12) vs. 8 a.m. Classes (4)
Yes, Shoemaker Hall sucks, but compared to 8 a.m. Classes, they don’t hold a candle. But think about this, 8 a.m.’s in Shoemaker? Dear God, it’s a perfect storm of shittyness. Winner: 8 a.m. Classes
Construction (3) vs. That One Class That’s All The Way Across Campus (6)
Eventually, the construction will end. Will it be in the near future? Probably not. But it will end. One hundred years from now, there will always be that one class all the way across campus. And in one hundred years, it will still be shitty. Winner: That One Class That’s All The Way Across Campus
UPD Cops With a Chip On Their Shoulder (10) vs. Rebel Black Bear (2)
Some people have very hard opinions about these two contenders, but one is more vilified then the other. You guessed it, Rebel Black Bear Wins. Winner: Rebel Black Bear
Freshman Frat Stars (1) vs. 8 a.m. Classes (4)
Round three baby! This is where it gets good. Freshman Frat Stars are terrible, yes. But they eventually evolve into reasonable upperclassmen, which is why they can’t win. 8 a.m.’s are the goddamn devil and they’ll be around till the end of time. Winner: 8 a.m. Classes
That One Class That’s All the Way Across Campus (6) vs. Rebel Black Bear (2)
One of theses two contenders replaced a beloved school icon. Hint: It’s not that one class that’s all the way across campus. Winner: Rebel Black Bear
8 a.m. Classes (4) vs. Rebel Black Bear (2)
As much as we despise the Rebel Black Bear, there’s only so much a new mascot can do to control and ruin our lives. 8 a.m.’s on the other hand, are seemingly impossible to avoid and plague everyone from English majors to Engineering students. It’s the class that ruins all of our GPAs because profs of 8 a.m. classes just love to take attendance every damn day. And for that, 8 a.m.’s win the title of shittiest thing at Ole Miss!
Oh hey, listen and subscribe to Talk of Shame: