It’s a fact that children lose their shit over trick or treating. The only reason adults don’t is because it’s not socially acceptable. As ironic as it would be for a man with a mustache to beg for candy, society isn’t ready for it. Since adults can’t treat candy like the drug it is, The Black Sheep decided to create a list of Ole Miss Halloween treats that bring as much joy as eating an entire bag of free candy.
10.) A Pumpkin Spice Latte before class:
The week after midterms are kind of like the hangover from a night full of butt chugging Natty Light. It sucks and everything is a little blurry. The good news is that a midterm hangover can be cured with caffeine. Unlike butt chugging which can only be cured by deciding to make better life choices. This is one of the few times waiting in the Starbucks line is actually worth it.
9.) Skipping class and sleeping in:
There’s nothing worse than stepping out of bed and getting instantly hard nipples. Once someone wakes up with chesty morning wood it lingers. It means walking to class with crossed arms because it’s chilly as fuck but it will be 81° in the afternoon so there’s no reason to wear a sweater. Also, it’s probably the only thing better than a Pumpkin Spice Latte.
8.) Bonfires, preferably in an abandoned field:
Ole Miss is in the south. A lot of southerners go here. Of course there’s going to be tons of bonfires before it gets too cold to have them anymore. Girls can’t get drunk and strip if it’s too cold outside. There may even be bobbing for apples.
7.) Binge watching American Horror Story:
Nothing says Halloween like a witch getting burned alive on television. There will be plenty of people hosting AHS parties in the weeks leading to the holiday. There may even be a few Scream Queens get togethers for those who can’t handle Ryan Murphy’s darker work.
6.) White Girl Bandanas:
When the weather starts to get colder every white girl at this school will walk around with those weird earmuffs. The ones that aren’t actually earmuffs but a cross between earmuffs, a bandana, and Grammies tablecloth. The worst part is people start wearing these before they give up the Nike shorts.
5.) The pumpkin patch in front of the Episcopal Church:
For some reason people love paying for over-priced pumpkins on The Square. What happened to picking out a pumpkin in a field? What’s next, getting pumpkins delivered straight to the door in an Amazon box? At least the proceeds go to charity. Well not really, they fund United Methodists’ Youth Group.
4.) Carving/painting pumpkins:
This is a universal truth. Halloween isn’t Halloween unless there’s a gutted pumpkin in the front yard. It just isn’t. Btw, painted pumpkins are a disgrace, we don’t care if it’s easier to paint ‘Ole Miss’ than to carve it, it’s still no excuse.
3.) Halloween Costumes:
People love dressing up, especially as an excuse to be kinky. That couple that’s dressed as a cop and robber didn’t think the idea was cute. One of them has a handcuff kink. Then there are the people who hand sew a penis costume and forgo getting laid in order to be the life of the party.
2.) Taking shots on William Faulkner’s grave:
Some people think that spirits are closer to the physical world on Halloween. It’s kind of why Halloween was invented. These people will be at William Faulkner’s grave, paying him compliments and leaving a shot in his honor. A few hours later a group of High Schoolers will stop by and steal all of the abandoned shots.
1.) The Haunted Forest at Avent’s Park:
Every year tons of students volunteer to help with the haunted house the Oxford Parks and Recreation department hosts. Even more students go to see which one of their friends will piss themselves when a broken chainsaw pops out from behind a curtain. The curtain made out of a garbage bag.