It’s time to talk about an underrated population that attends game day every week at Autzen: Dads. Saturdays just wouldn’t be the same without the harem of sporty dilfs flocking to Autzen. They come in all shapes and sizes, like these five for example:
5.) The family man:
This guy brought his whole family, including what appears to be his second cousin once removed. He throws a massive tailgate and obviously he’s front and center at the grill. He met his soulmate Karen at a Ducks game 30 years ago and they have returned every year since. This guy will always invite you in for a burger or a beer…unless you’re a beavers fan, that is.
4.) The frat dad reliving his glory days:
His life has since plummeted, so he returns each fall to the ol’ U of O to celebrate game day with the newest pledge class of Apple Delta Pie. He’s always up for a game of beer pong and chances are he will beat your ass by at least a second shotgunning a beer. He peaked in college and is now pressuring his son to pledge. His most obvious identifier is yelling “SCOOOOOOO DUCKS” on the walk to Autzen and getting mad when people don’t respond to his fratty Duck call.
3.) The youthful daddy:
This guy is way too young to be a dad. He’s still in that awkward inbetweener stage where he’s not sure if he should sit by the student section or in the opposite section with the olds. Regardless of fatherhood, he’s probably as drunk as frat dad while also going through a quarter-life crisis.
2.) The dad who’s here for the game, and absolutely nothing else:
This dad wants to see some fucking touchdowns, and he doesn’t he’ll cry into the leftover chili from the tailgate. He has season tickets and comes out to every game; rain or shine. Does he have a kid that goes to UO? Doesn’t matter. On game day, football comes first and family might not even exist.
1.) The dad who didn’t actually go to Oregon, and is wearing his alumni gear to spite his kids:
These dads didn’t attend the University of Oregon, but their children sure do. To get back at their kids for choosing UO over their alma mater, these dads risk the humiliation of their kids AND themselves. They show no support for their kids’ school, and regardless of who they’re playing they’ll be repping their own alma mater. It’s awkward for everyone involved, but these dads have no shame.
S’co Ducks and s’co dads!!!
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