It’s been ten whole days since Clemson beat Bama in the National Championship, but even so it’s still hard to cope with the thought of Oregon missing out on another year. You get to cry and laugh, binge drink and vomit, but unlike any other night you get to watch your team kick some ass. But not Oregon. But now that we have a new coach it’s time to look to the future and realize we should be grateful this wasn’t our year, and here’s why:
5.) We Actually Got To Sleep:
Let’s be honest, if Oregon made it to the Natty students wouldn’t sleep for the whole week before and after the game. Even people who aren’t football fans would either be hitting the bars to have a celebratory drink or a few shots too many after a loss. Everyone knows Oregon students don’t drink because alcohol is bad for you. So, let’s give thanks that students will never be forced to shotgun a beer again because of events like this. Thanks Helfrich.
4.) We Didn’t Lose All Of Our Rent Money Gambling:
Despite the odds of this shitty year, every real UO fan would bet their house, car, and even child on an Oregon win. But don’t worry, this year UO fans lived to go bankrupt another year. There’s always next year though because who really needs all of their kids anyway. Unfortunately, some fans may have racked up an equal amount in bar tabs this season. Sco’ Ducks.
3.) One Less Tailgate Equals Diet Success:
With one less game comes one less full day of drinking. Less partying means that we might actually succeed in our New Year’s resolution “to be healthier.” No more post party drunchies. Our game day feast full of hot dogs and whiskey shots isn’t a problem anymore. Students will lose weight with the added bonus of hitting the books every weekend without having to worry about wasting time having fun.
2.) You Got To Spend Your Weekend Away From The TV:
Go on a hike, eat broccoli, watch a sunset because with Oregon playing you won’t be watching good TV. There is a whole world out there just waiting for Oregon students to do something besides cheer for a loosing team, so do it. Predictably, you probably spent your time watching Bama lose to Clemson anyway, so at least you had the chance to learn how football is actually played.
1.) Helfrich Might Still Be Head Coach:
Due to the crap season we had this year, we have been blessed with Willie Taggart to save us the embarrassment and get our program to “do something.” With his dedication and the hard work of Oregon players who don’t go to Taylor’s, we might live to see a day where we tailgate all the way through January.
So for all of you crying over another Natty-less season, be thankful it’s not that bad. Crack open a bottle of tequila and relish in our stellar basketball team…because yes, the season has already started.
Remind me why we didn’t choose to go to school in the south?